Live Your Dream Life with Passion and Purpose

I’m so excited that my second book, Must Be Present to Win: How to Get Out of the Ditch & Plug Back Into Passion, will be out in a few weeks. This book has been a labor IN love. I can’t wait to share it with you.

I wrote this book back in February 2008. It was finished and complete by the end of that month. I have been writing since I was a little girl and professionally for more than 20 years, so I can write a book – that’s not the hard part for me.

I want to share my journey in case you also have something on the back burner. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve left it on simmer – now is the perfect time to get going.

For me, I wrote this book and it chronicled many of the experiences I had with clients as I, myself, healed. I had some amazing moments with the writing that really took my breath away as I dutifully showed up each morning to write, write, write! I worked with an amazing book coach, Jan B. King, and she would read the pages and direct me each week.

I finished the book, sent out the review copies, pretty much did everything I was supposed to do! In May, a friend and I took off to Los Angeles to go to Book Expo America. Jan B. King and her team of creative wizards were going to show us the ropes for pitching our books to publishers. You see, Book Expo America is THE trade show for all things publishing. Imagine the biggest arena or trade center you know lined with publishers, printers, distributors – anyone who is a mover and shaker in the literary world. If you LOVE books, you MUST GO some year (BEA is in New York this year and rotates to Chicago and LA, too).

Anyway, I go with one of my best friends in the world, and we had so much fun. The trip was filled with magic on many levels.

At the time, I really struggled with who I am. I was still scared someone was going to ‘find out’ about my intuitive abilities. I kept thinking, ‘I just need to put myself out there.’ The first evening, after we arrived, we sat down for happy hour and the talk turned to a woman in San Diego who was intuitive and who was brilliant and who had really helped an attorney who was attending BEA with us. My friend kicked me under the table to say, “Seeeee!” I asked the attorney who that woman was. Sure enough, she was my friend, Abby Gooch. That was message #1.

The next day, we went to the course and everyone in the room seemed to be able to eloquently talk about themselves, their books, their companies and everything else in between. I struggled in my mind – ‘Am I selling this book? Or, my next one?’ ‘What am I selling?’ I am NOT exaggerating, at that time, I could barely sputter out a coherent sentence! This will be VERY funny later in this story.

I decided not to worry about it. I went on the trip not worried that I didn’t have my ‘selling sheet.’ I didn’t care that I didn’t even know what the title was going to be. Something about the ‘sales end’ of thinking and the way I create just weren’t playing well together. So, I made a decision to relax and just enjoy the speakers and then get going.

That’s exactly what I did.

I listened intently as Mimi Donaldson, Speaker Extraordinaire spoke about how she envisioned being the “NO STRESS” Queen of America, and how her book, Bless Your Stress has been successful and it garnered a $250,000 advance – huge back then, and especially for an unknown author (her co-author actually was the one who sold the book). Then, I listened to the Wealthy Bag Lady, Linda Hollander, tell about how she secured her book deal and how that worked. As I listened, completely calm from letting my mind rest for a while, I realized that both of their stories had very little to do with the actual book. They were selling themselves!

Now, that I could do!

Relieved to have a strategy to go to the ‘show’ with, I enjoyed the rest of the day, decided not to do a little sheet about my book (despite having it 90% complete), and enjoyed the day. I felt amazing. That night, as I got ready to go to sleep, my mind kicked in again saying I needed to research and think about these things. “You need to at least make some notes,” it chided. Okay, okay, I said as I started looking over the monumental amount of workshops and speakers’ appearances. Oh, Judy Blume is going to be there! I love her. She’s the whole reason why I decided to be a writer in the first place! That was really the only person I wanted to see except for Debbie Macomber (who I kept being guided to even though I have never read any of her books) and a little boy who I believe was 7 who wrote a book. I wondered if there was something wrong with me that I didn’t want to ‘learn’ more, but just let it go.

As I turned off the light (my friend long ago sound asleep – she said it was okay to leave the light on), I heard a familiar voice. “Tina, what is your biggest dream?” It was my sweet guide, Ricah, and he wanted to know what my dream was. Oh, that’s easy, I thought. But, as I tried to connect to what I thought I wanted, I couldn’t. It was as if the images would show up and then disappear. They would show up and then disappear. I was like, what??? I was trying to convince myself that what I wanted was an upgrade to my old dream. You know, the dream we all have when we are little girls. The one that includes the house, the husband and children? Somehow, for me, the thought of a bigger house didn’t feel good. The thought of more simply felt like a burden. I didn’t want more. And, I realized in that moment, I didn’t know what I wanted!

Then he gently said, “Now, I want you to dream even bigger.” At the time, I was surrounded on three sides by water. Our hotel room overlooked Marina Del Ray Bay and though I felt uber connected, I felt spacy at the same time. Throw in a mind that doesn’t want to sit still and I was a force to be reckoned with. The thought of dreaming bigger felt good. But, I didn’t have an image to go with it. My mind chimed in again, “How can the QUEEN of Dreams not have a dream herself?” It was all too much. I fell asleep looking out at the water through the open window of our room, wondering if anyone would miss me if I jumped into one of the sail boats outside and sailed away.

The next morning came early. I woke up with an amazing energy running through my body, got up, walked around the marina, came back and got ready to go. I felt like I was on fire! This was Message #2. I had no idea why, but I felt amazing. I ended up being able to ride to the show with the attorney who worked with Abby. I asked her questions about what led her to Abby’s door. I wondered more about why an attorney would reach out to an intuitive than I did the actual circumstances of this woman’s life that led her there. I recognized that I didn’t want the sordid details of personal crisis, I wanted the decision point. The conversation further amplified the energy moving through me. I wasn’t worried about the day because I planned to just get the lay of the land and pitch the next day.

I wish I could write you a book, but I’m sure you have things to do, so I’m going to stick with the highlights. At some point during the first morning, I had covered so much ground, so quickly, I decided to start pitching because I was bored. Not bored with the books, but bored of ‘getting the lay of the land.’ So, I started out. I started talking to each publisher that publishes books I really enjoy and who has authors like me. Now, I’m a strange bird – half intuitive, half business/life strategist – so I decided to go for those who know these types of people.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated with books and people’s stories. I love to hear people’s stories. I catalog them in my mind and they pop out at the perfect time. I also catalog publishers. Crown, Wiley, Hay House, Conari, New World, Fireside are some of my favorites. I care about these authors and their material. Now, I learned at the conference there are these things called ‘imprints,’ which are smaller divisions of a big publishing house. For example, Crown is part of Random House.

I had a ‘dream’ list in my mind of publishers who publish authors I love. I went to the first one. My strategy was to do exactly what I do in business – learn about them, and then wait for them to ask me about myself. I asked, “What kind of material are you looking for?” The associate editor told me, and then I glanced down and saw that the house added a new division. It seems, both parts of me were covered by two parts of this publisher. I asked, “What if I am a cross between both of these?” He pulled out a card, and asked me to send him my manuscript.

I went to the next one, did the same thing, and got another invitation. And the next, the next, and the next.

Soon, I felt pretty confident. I didn’t have one rejection. I decided to go to a publisher that wasn’t a fit to see if it was just a fluke. Sure enough, they said, you aren’t a fit. Okay, great! I felt exhilarated inside. Happy and on purpose. I went to share with Jan what was going on, and she was so encouraging. I decided to go for the publisher I have felt pulled to forever – Random House, specifically Crown because the books they are putting out now are to die for!

I went over to the Crown booth, and there are a ton of reps there. By this time, I realized that the LA show for BEA doesn’t get the ‘big editors’ to attend like the New York show does. That is okay. I went up to the Crown booth and started to feel into who would be best to talk to, and this barracuda moved in and started barking at this woman … Who is your editor? How do I send my manuscript? It felt like a machine gun of questions. The woman bristled and told her they don’t work with non-agented authors. Good-bye Ms. Barracuda! The Crown rep then looked at me and I asked, “Is there room for a mix between Sweet Potato Queen and Tim Ferriss in your authors?” She said, “You can write about business and be funny, too?” And I said, “Yes, I can.” She said, “Do you have an agent?” I said, “No, but I’m open to working with one.” At the time, Jan encouraged us to try to sell our books without an agent. The thought was that we could always get one later.

What happened next surprised me.

She said, “Okay, write this down. You need to go to this site [its in my notes, but can’t remember it now] and find an agent. Once you have an agent, you need to send your manuscript to this email address. My name is X and you can say I sent you.” This was Message #3.

I was stunned. I had been holding off going to my ‘dream’ publisher and here this woman had been the MOST helpful so far! I practically ran back to Jan with the good news. At the same time my heart was soaring, another part of me felt sad, scared. I had no idea what this was. I should have been on top of the world. I felt sad, and it was unmistakable.

Jan congratulated me and then she also picked up on my emotions. I felt so good, and so bad at the same time. WHAT was happening? She told me about a woman who had people chasing her down the hallway at BEA, and this woman ran away. She said she had no idea why the woman did this, but she did. I didn’t realize it then, but I would end up doing the same thing – despite the overwhelming evidence that I had the goods that the publishers wanted.

The funniest thing that happened was the ladies who saw me struggling with my pitch the day before were like, “YOU are the one who has the most invitations?” I laughed realizing it made no sense at all, but I didn’t ‘pitch’ – I did things my way.

Why am I telling you this? Why would I share this looong story with you? I am telling you this because I want you to know I’ve seen clients do this, I’ve done it, others do it, and it doesn’t matter. It is simply part of your story. So what? Today is a new day, as my mom says, what are you going to do with it?

Today, it is two years later, and I now understand what happened to me that day. I was incongruent inside. I knew the content in the pages of my book, and I was teaching others, but I didn’t feel I could be in integrity if I wasn’t living them myself.

I knew who I was at that time, but I definitely didn’t love myself enough to fully live the work I was teaching. It took me another year to really learn how to receive love from others and love myself fully, and then another year to determine how I wanted to serve and show up in the world. Today, I realize I’m a catalyst – that is super fast energy. This is really how I LOVE to play. It doesn’t mean you have to move fast, just that this is how I’m wired to be. I can write a book in a week. I can create a workshop in a day. Learning how to accept all that I am has been a gift beyond anything I could have ever imagined. There are so many opinions out there!!

An interesting thing happened along the way. I learned you can’t love yourself and then put yourself back in the grinder (or at least not for long)! Does it mean I am perfect and have all the answers? No, it does not (see my post tomorrow), but it does mean I can safely get back to the path without too much damage to my heart, soul or mind.

NOW, I’m ready to go bigger! Is my way your way? No. Many people go for it and they are ready. I think of Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift in that category. Some people go for it and they skyrocket to high levels and quickly fizzle out. Some get there and drink, drug or eat themselves into oblivion. It doesn’t matter what your way is, just find it and stick with it. Joseph Campbell says that if there’s a path already formed, then you can be sure it is not your path. How true! Life is an adventure in creating your path.

Two years ago, I would have shifted my power to the book. I would have said the book is valuable – I am not even though I created the book. The book is the power – I am not even though what is in there comes directly from my heart. Two years ago, I am not sure I was strong enough to go through what happens when you put yourself out in the world. Today, I am.

The most important piece of the puzzle, by far, is that I am not trying to get somewhere as a result of any success I might enjoy. I simply have a message I want to share that I believe can serve people, and I want to share it through writing, speaking and teaching (a.k.a. consulting in business). This is an amazing place to be.

What is on your back burner simmering? Two years is a long time, but the soup that simmers long is nice and hot!

This isn’t my final book cover…it is soooo cute.

P.S. Thank you to every Messenger who came on my path in the last two years – some helped in what appeared to be positive ways, some in what appeared to be negative ways – in all ways, it was ALL GOOD. Each one helped in their own unique way. I am grateful for all of you!

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