Live Your Dream Life with Passion and Purpose

Two movie reviews in a row here. I HAVE to tell you all about the movie, Temple Grandin. Nominated for FIFTEEN Emmies (we’ll see next Sunday), this movie is an exquisite work of art. For families who are sensitive (this just means that you may feel overwhelmed out in the ‘noisy’ world) or have a person in their family who is sensitive (which may include autism or Aspergers Syndrome), this is THE movie for you to see. In addition to seeing the hopeful story of Temple Grandin, it truly is a gift to be able to understand what it means to be sensitive in the world.

Dr. Temple Grandin is the heroic crusader for the humane treatment of cattle. She has been named by Time Magazine Tim 100 as a Hero.  I heard about her some years ago and just fell in love with her spirit. Though I knew she was autistic, had created her own way of dealing with her feelings (through a machine she dubbed “the hug machine”), and had done the near impossible to bring humane treatment of cattle to an industry as old as the hills, I had not really understood why I immediately felt such a connection to her when I heard about her.

Now I do.

This movie is a work of art. Not only is the cast perfect in every way, but the director’s visionary storytelling shines through as we get to peer into Temple’s mind, heart and soul. I particularly loved getting to see her mother’s influence as well as key people she met along the way.

I won’t spoil this movie with why it is such a wonderful visual treat, but I will share with you what we walked away with as a family.

First, as many of you know, our entire family is sensitive. Mark and I are empaths and Chance is extremely sensitive too. Even Rico, our four-legged gentle giant is sensitive!

Mark, as a child, would retreat from the world into his room or with just a few key friends. He ran a lot to run off the energy. I used to retreat to nature to soothe my frazzled nerves. I walked miles and miles every day when I was a kid. Food numbed me out. For Mark, he MUST work out every day. Neither one of us had language for what we are until about 10 years ago when we met each other and began to live a life of celebrating who we are rather than tolerating feeling like the world was beating us up each day.

When Chance came along, I noticed that he didn’t act like the other babies. He was aware of things that the other kids didn’t seem to notice. One day, for instance, I took him to the mall to play. In this play area, it looked like a huge breakfast – plate with eggs, a giant grapefruit, and salt and pepper shakers. The kids around Chance were running around with little awareness of anything around them. They would run into each other. They seemed to be wild. Chance, on the other hand, was little… just over a year and he would look around at all of them and then would carefully make his way over to a place in the play area. He then rolled onto his back and stared up at the giant skylight that looked like a prism of glass.  He and Mark ‘watched a movie’ together when he was just 19 months old. That isn’t particularly unusual except that Chance watched it and it was Castaway – a movie that is nearly three hours long. As a toddler, he would stare off. He would go into spacey trances – just like I do.

I kept noticing these things. I talked to Mark about them, and each time Mark told me not to worry. The doctors seemed to say the same things: He’s fine. He’s just quiet. He is just more observant than other children. But then Chance got older and he couldn’t handle very much input when we went out – especially noises – we didn’t go to a regular movie at the theater until he was nearly five years old because they are just too loud – even with earplugs. Itchy clothes, tags on the back of shirts were just as intolerable, and now his wardrobe consists mostly of very old t-shirts (that are as soft as silk) and polyester pull-on athletic shorts that have soft seams on the inside. Good thing we are all laid back, not worried about what other people think and he’s homeschooled now. When he was little, he attended a Christian Academy and they did not understand why tucking in a shirt would rub against his skin. Nor did they ever know that we bought his clothes oversized so the required khaki pants wouldn’t even touch his skin and that we washed and washed his uniform shirts so they would be softer.

Because I have learned to love and accept myself as I am, and also deal with my own sensitivities, I’ve been able to help Chance understand that when we get too much energy, we just need a break from it. I’ve helped him understand that we create our own energy from within, too, such as anger, hurt and love. It is our job to manage ourselves and to be responsible for ourselves – just like everyone else.

While we’ve talked like this for years within our family, it wasn’t until we watched the movie together that we had a visual point of reference to discuss. Chance immediately recognized his own behaviors in Temple – there is one scene where she is very overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do with herself. This is exactly how most sensitives feel, too. At least that’s what I’ve learned from working with clients. Sure, Temple’s are exaggerated, but any sensitive can recognize the all too familiar behaviors. 

As we talked afterward as a family, I continued to say that God creates all of us just the way we are supposed to be, and it is our job to unlock the treasure box we are given. That’s what Temple did. As we talked about there’s nothing wrong with someone who is different, Chance began to see that being sensitive is a gift. For what, we don’t yet know. For Temple, her connection to the animals was a gift to her and to them. Her gift took her to a perfect place to share who she is. For us, our sensitivity allows us to see and know things without much effort, and to have a tremendous level of compassion for others.

Mark has said he isn’t interested in label for ‘why’ we are all like this – I almost died at 7 months, Mark nearly died at birth and two other times since – but rather how we can work with what we’ve been given. I agree.

The second gift I took away from this movie is an increased compassion for myself as a child, as a young woman and as a sensitive person who had no idea what was happening to me when I would feel I was suffocating. This is how Chance describes feeling when noises are too loud around him. He has little toleration for it. For me, when I was younger, if the energy of a job got to be ‘too’ much, some part of me would take over and I would just leave. I have harbored so much guilt over that type of behavior in the past as I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do. Ditto for when the spirits would encircle me as a child – I literally felt like I was suffocating. And, again, I come back to gratitude for nature and the animals who, like Temple, brought a peace that would allow me to let go of the anxiety and overload of energy.

I remember not being able to be touched without wincing. I also remember deciding that I was going to allow people in. It took me TWO YEARS to get to a point where I could allow another person to hug me without it making my skin crawl or feeling like I needed to go screaming out the door. It wasn’t them, it was me – I just didn’t feel good when people touched me. My case wasn’t as severe as Temple’s. I would just say I didn’t like to be hugged. But that wasn’t true. I wanted to be hugged. I felt sick that I acted so isolated and cold. It wasn’t until I questioned this that I began to reach for what I wanted. Now, I hug EVERYONE, and I also can understand people who don’t want a hug, too. Now, I know how to deal with my energy and the energy of people around me.

An intensity of love came from the three of us as we each shared how our minds work. Mark’s mind is very much like Temple’s in that it is stunningly fast, connected and highly visual. This allows him to come up with solutions so fast it would make your head spin. For me, my mind works the same way, just not quite as fast. I’m very visual, but very auditory as well. I can sense/see all the doors at once and “know” which one is best for myself or for the person I’m working with. The ability to see as the observer is something Mark and I both do with ease. Chance shared that he can see things in his mind and know how they will work. He said it is the sounds and the energy of people that feel like a cloak coming to cover him up.

Yes, this was a GREAT movie, and it created a space for all of us to celebrate who we are.

I am not sure what it was about the movie that stirred something in me, but I realized that my entire life is committed to helping people see what is possible. Instead of, “Oh, look at the problem,” I point and say, “But what is the gift?” Instead of, “This is what I think I need,” I point and say, “But what is it you really want?” I help people look in a different place for the treasures…instead of no one is here to help me, I ask, “But someone is coming, so be on the look out for them.”

That’s what Temple’s mother did. She said, “Yes, you are different. But you are not less. If you can’t do this. Then what can you do?”

Claire Danes will no doubt get an Emmy AND a Golden Globe for this movie. She is AMAZING in this lead role. I love Julia Ormond (Temple’s mother) and Catherine O’Hara (Temple’s aunt) as Temple’s cheerleaders and David Strathairn (Professor Carlock – Temple’s professor at school) as the person who starts to help Temple unlock the treasure box. HBO… I love your commitment to quality movies – thank you!

Here’s a BBC documentary piece about Temple’s connection to cows, and includes footage of Temple’s mother. Enjoy!