Mark asked me the other day how I can write about three or four days for so many posts. WHAT is so important? What could you possibly say for so many posts?

Hmmm, that’s a great question, I thought.

Everything and nothing at all.

One of the things I noticed the most on that trip was a surreal type of energy that would envelop me at the oddest times… and would finally come to a heightened sense of ‘Hey, listen to me!’ the last day.

This energy, if I had to describe it was sparkly like stars in a flume of rainbow currents. Beautiful, inviting and magical. I so wish you could share in it.

Yesterday, as I described this feeling, I said, “Have you ever been talking to someone and it felt like they got really close to you even though they didn’t move?” Thankfully… she said, “Yes. I know that feeling.” If you know that feeling… it’s that same feeling, but not as magnetic… more flowy and spacious.

What a sweet messenger it is to heighten the awareness!

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Before I left, in a prayer, I heard… trust and go, Tina. And I did… not knowing what the trip would hold in store for me. I knew it would be good – everything felt good around it. How wonderful!

For many weeks prior to leaving, I ‘felt’… I need ‘space.’

The Intellectual part of me thought I need WORK space…

Physically, I felt like I needed more space … new house with cathedral ceilings (so we talked to a realtor about listing our house)…

Emotionally, I felt like I needed time alone…

On a soul level, I felt like I was expanding and I had to find space where I could grow larger…

Energetically, I felt like I was being called home…

Many things happened with this attention… offers for office space. A realtor who came over and went over our current house… and a week in a house that has cathedral ceilings (in San Diego). On the emotional, I created time alone and space alone… but still wanted more. On the soul level, several expansion meditations were shared, and energetically, I felt like I came home when I got to California.

It wasn’t until I was in the presence of the ocean that I realized it was my heart that was asking for beauty and expansion … and then I felt satisfied in the presence of the ocean and the beauty, and I actually stood there exhaling feeling like… ah, I made it. I felt like I could run my energy across the ocean as far as it could go and let go…truly let go and surrender.

What a gift…

                                and all I had to do was trust.

How do you thank God for loving you so very much? Mmmm, I believe we live fully. When I woke one day, I found myself bathed in luxury linen. A fluffy feather pillow flock, a feather duvet and also a feather pillow top that rested squarely on top of a pillow top mattress. Can you say Divine!? Thanks Cy!

I found myself lying quietly in bed enjoying how every part of my body felt nestled in this luxury. I felt warm. I felt comfortable. I felt safe and happy.

I looked out the floor to ceiling sliding glass door and saw the lemon-lime tree that stood just a few feet outside in the backyard. I could feel my energy flowing around this beautiful little bush and I could feel its vibrancy. It felt a little like electricity… zippy and happy. From my fluffy place in bed, I looked out and felt myself oddly feeling extremely happy and, all at once, I felt like I had been there before. All at once I felt homesick for some reason.

When I got out of bed, Cy (Abby’s boyfriend) and I sipped yummy coffee and chatted about what had just happened. Cy began to say something and all of a sudden, the same feeling came back in spades… I felt like I remember living somewhere where I had been snuggled in a bed on a porch of some sort  or outside terrace, and I could look outside at beauty from the comfort of my own space. I felt tears burning my eyes as I felt even more homesick thinking about the feeling. While I let it run through me, I didn’t question its validity or truth. I didn’t go to my mind to ‘figure’ it out… just enjoyed the feeling – homesick and all. Cy said… “You’ve been there before.” I agree… although I have no idea what that means.

Thank you, Cy, for making my trip so beautiful, so comfortable and so memorable. From my heart to yours… I’m deeply grateful!

There we were…fed and happy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that felt like energy had emanated from every place in the little cafe that opened its doors to the street. I loved the indoor interior with its little ceramic and metal birds. Ah, the flight theme again… time to fly, time to fly.

Floating around the streets of Del Mar and La Jolla, we had a great time. On one of the days, we found ourselves at a little bookstore and met a wonderful teacher named N’Vela… what a delight. She looked at me and shared a few bits of wisdom that I can barely remember now – something about my book and distribution. What I remember most is her chat with Abby. I could literally feel her access Abby’s spirit and affirm her place on a stage in front of many, many people. ‘How beautiful!’ I thought as I watched Abby beam in appreciation. Gifts, gifts everywhere I thought to myself. How beautiful we are when we all connect with God.

From there, we took a trip of trust with our beautiful messengers… right, left and around again. How wonderful to play. We ended up in LaJolla looking at an apartment for rent and how wonderful it was to really sink into the idea of spending six months out of the year less than a block from the ocean in LaJolla. I had no idea it was so affordable. I had so many beliefs about what things cost in California (in my mind, I’m thinking it is $$60K a week or so from watching various tv shows), I would never even permit myself to consider this a dream. How interesting… and how exciting!

I’ve continued to revel in the bliss I’m bathed in since this trip. I find myself in a dreamy state of knowing all is well. It feels too good to be true sometimes, and then I talk to one of our clients who is also experiencing the bliss and I’m reminded we are always together… never apart.

When I woke the next morning, Abby and I talked about whether or not we wanted to go to her weekly networking event called ABRA. I felt a definite “Yes” and so we quickly got ourselves ready and flew out the door to the meeting.

The group was a gift itself. These heart-centered people had such open ideas about what it means to truly serve through business, and I got to see the world’s largest pancakes – who says everything in Texas is bigger?

From there, we went to lunch at Claire’s on Cedros. What a quaint little cafe… the food was so yummy. While we were there, I noticed this very odd sensation. This band of energy felt as if it was permeating the entire restaurant. I looked over at Abby and she still looked the same, but everyone else in the restaurant looked different.

I continued to tune into this energy and felt strands of light come from across the room where a man was sitting by himself. He looked over at me and we stared at each other for what felt like eons. I felt moved to go say hi to him, but I quickly retreated to my mind and wondered, “What on earth would I say to him?” I continued enjoying the luminous energy I felt between us, and then turned my attention back to the other feeling in the room. All at once, everything felt real and not real at the same time. The people seemed real and not real at the same time.

I had no idea what to do with this ‘noticing,’ but asked Abby if she felt it. She said no. I tried to explain what I felt, but it didn’t make any sense so I let it go.

Little did I know that the energy would come back many more times over the next few days.

Look for Part Tres in a few days!

I haven’t posted an email in a long time, so here’s a reminder of what I do here. Basically, I share an email (with permission) and then share what my response. Here’s a recent email from a listener of Queen of Dreams Radio.

Tina, I stumbled across your podcast a few weeks ago when I was in need of a little spiritual guidance. Since then I have truly loved listening to the conversations. I listen to the podcasts and somehow always seem to miss the live show, which I regret because I would love to join in the conversation. I have always been drawn to the ‘big questions’ in life and felt a pull in the direction of the spiritual world. It’s been a cause of concern over the years, struggling with the ideals I seek and the isolation I feel in the modern world which seems so disconnected from spirit. Therefore, in the past few weeks I have decided to really concentrate on connecting with the spirit. (I’ve always been a seeker of knowledge…since probably bout the age of five.) I just wanted to write you this comment to let you know that your show is helping me grow. I have listened to you so much that it seems odd that you have introduced yourself to me yet I have not done the same. BUT in the future I will really try to get in one a live call (which would be a first for me) because I always have so many questions and comments during the show! it’s always a drag when I listen to the podcast, full of my own questions, and you ask ‘anyone have any questions?’ and there is no way for me to respond. 

I feel odd adding this bit but it seems like something you might be able to make a little clear for me. Last year when I was shopping in the goodwill store I met an older women who had a very eccentric air about her. We started talking and soon it turned into this very deep almost uncomfortable (for me) conversation about life, the universe and all the rest. Anyhow I felt like she could really see me, like sense my soul, maybe she was a medium or psychic? Anyhow, she told me that I have a beautiful spirit and a great mission to fulfill in this life in the intangible or spirit world for the progress of humanity’s growth (as opposed to the materialistic world) and that I have a lot of ‘people’ who travel with me all the time to watch out for me. Could she have been speaking of spirit guides or what? I sort of identified with the things she said, in some cases she seemed dead on. But at the same time I was thinking perhaps this is just another crazy lady. I can’t decide if it actually means anything. 

If you have the time and inclination I’d love to hear your thoughts about this email! Keep up the fantastic work that you do and I will make every effort to become more connected to the live show. Thanks! Emily

Here’s my email response…

Hi Emily!

What a nice surprise to receive your email today. I’m pleased and happy to meet you. As you can hear on the podcasts when I ask if there are any questions… (crickets chirping in the background)…someone with questions would be so welcome! We look forward to meeting you.

When you talk about this woman you met in Goodwill… she feels magical to me. I believe that messengers come in all forms and sizes. Some are of this earth, some are from the other planes of creation, and all are sent to respond to our asking.

When we go beyond what is in our world and in our ego mind (the critic), then we can take the gift and move forward in a beautiful, effortless way. Whether she was crazy or not doesn’t matter… the connection you felt is what matters. Whether what she said was ‘right’ or not doesn’t matter, the parts that felt right to you are what matter. The parts that resonated with you…stirred you…moved you… those are the parts to pay attention to. The others… let them fall where they may as you dance around with the gift of what was real for you.

She was an external messenger responding to your asking… from what you shared, the questions you may have been asking may have been around … What I am here to do? What’s the point? Do I have a greater purpose? What is my purpose?

These experiences come to us so we can see in our so-called ‘real’ (external) world what we are thinking…wondering. When we are awake, we can take these gems and then ask more questions… creating every single step of the way. So, in effect, you created that experience with her.

I don’t know if this email does this justice, but basically, I believe, we draw to us in every moment what we are asking for. That is why it is so easy to back up and see the questions. But, the skill of flowing with it is to not go back to our external world for the answers, but to go within to dialogue with yourself so you can truly begin your dance in the fire of your own spirit (which is connected to all other spirits).

In this… I would suggest that you meditate… go back to the time with the woman, then notice what stands out… then ask questions as you go through it… as you remember her telling you about your purpose, ask questions of your higher self as to what that means… with ‘people’ … what does this mean… and listen inside to what that means. You could do this now… without so much formality… and listen inside for your answers. Or not… do what feels right.

My sense is that you already know what was important from that conversation. The ego will always look outside for validation/confirmation for what the soul already knows. Don’t let your ego drag you around! It’s a real drag. lol

Always trust yourself (what feels true to you in your core)… your own wisdom… and you will unite with the greater parts of all you are and the greater part of all.

From my perspective, we all are here for a higher purpose… and we are definitely ALL surrounded by a team of spiritual helpers who love us and support us in all ways.

Your higher purpose has been with you since you were born… look for the clues if you are inclined…there are many along the way! When we feel that the world has no meaning, it is usually our projection of our own internal feeling of not having meaning in our own lives. Turn inward… there’s a rich land there waiting for you to discover her.

Big hug-

Tina

P.S. Remember you are your creator (co-creating with God)…so whatever it is you are noticing is what you are creating. If you notice disconnection, you will find it. If you notice connection, you will find it. It truly is up to you. Glad you have joined us in our connection! If you’ve listened to the last few shows, you’ve heard me sharing this… truly, we create from inside first. What a wonderful, exciting adventure we are in! I love this work because you are always just a moment away from feedback of what you are thinking, noticing and creating! Create things that bring you great joy by noticing the things that bring you joy. For instance… the critic with the woman says… is she crazy? But your beautiful spirit says…wow, she is rich… let’s keep listening. Your critic says… am I crazy for listening to this crazy woman? Your spirit says… I’m enjoying this and I can feel our greater connection.

You never know how a messenger will come to support you!

Vincent Van Gogh —"Old Woman of Arles" — 1888
Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam.

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