Queen of Dreams Radio
Posts Tagged ‘Love Yourself’
Today is Self Love Day. And, boy has it been a long road for me to come to know Self Love for myself.
Back in 2007, my radio show was new. I followed guidance to create the show and felt like I had no idea why.
I invited a woman to be on my show and it seemed like no matter what we did, it just was not destined to be. At the time, I had an actual producer who worked the recording of my show. He had no idea why the show did not record. There was literally no reason for an technical malfunction.
To me, it seemed that working to accommodate this woman’s schedule was a lot of effort. It felt hard. It felt forced. Yet there I was trying to do it. The first show didn’t record, but I plunged ahead.
The day we planned to pre-record the show, I juggled many responsibilities. My mother-in-law needed a ride to the hospital and I was the only one available that day. I figured if I could drive just a little faster and still get her to the hospital and get back for the show, despite not having one second to be delayed.
What happened that morning would change my life. It was the day I decided I had had enough.
That morning, I packed Chance and my mother-in-law into the car. I planned to speed. I planned to push the limits of my time that morning. I did not ask for help. I thought I can do this.
But something didn’t feel right that morning, and it set me on edge. I have sped before, but this tension had my intuition on high alert. I pushed the Tahoe to go faster as my heart pounded underneath. I began to think about jeopardizing our safety. Pound…pound…pound my heart thumped.
We made it to my brother-in-law’s house. He said he would come home and stay with my mother-in-law at the hospital. I dropped her off and peeled out of the driveway. I had exactly enough time to get home.
Meanwhile my heart is pounding out of my chest. Something was not right, but what? I didn’t ask to find out, I just soldiered on to meet the responsibilities of the day.
I knew I was going to be two minutes late when I entered our neighborhood. I dialed my producer to let him know and that is when I found out what I was picking up on. I had bumbled the pre-record time. We were not supposed to record at the top of the hour like my regular show, we were supposed to start at a quarter til the hour! My intuition had been firing on all cylinders, but my mind was on a charted course already.
A flood of emotions invaded my body. First, I felt bad for messing up the time. This woman who seemingly had no time for this show and whose schedule was inconceivably difficult to accommodate had shown up and I was not there. If I have never been anything else, I have usually been responsible. I felt so guilty for leaving her and my producer hanging. Then I felt regret. Regret for putting Chance and my mother-in-law in harm’s way. That day, I did not even consider my own safety. I felt angry at myself for running around like a chicken with my head cut off to try to figure out some way to FORCE this interview that never did happen.
The truth of the situation was that the producer was fine. He was there anyway producing another show. No big deal.
The truth is that Chance and I did arrive home just fine, despite my own recklessness.
The truth is that the interview was never supposed to be. There were many, many signs to indicate this, but I just was not listening.
When I composed myself, I called the woman to apologize. I was ready to fall on my sword without one word of an excuse. I flubbed the time. That was that.
When I called, I was surprised at what I heard on the other end of the line. She said, “I have a message for you from your angels. Would you like to hear it?”
I said, “Yes, I would.”
She said, “They want me to tell you that you need to love yourself. You don’t love yourself enough.”
At that moment, every bit of anxiety, guilt, anger, irritation at myself bubbled up and I literally wanted to reach through the phone and strangle this divine messenger.
She continued, “I have been learning to love myself and now I am at 51%.” She babbled on and on about herself and all I could think is how much I hated this moment. I thought about how her schedule was all-consuming in trying to connect and how I had bended, given and given to try to accommodate her. I felt enraged as she babbled on about her own journey without even considering what it had taken to schedule the first show, then schedule another one – all around her time. Love herself, yes, she was definitely doing that and not inconveniencing herself or her schedule.
“Pay her for your gift,” interrupted my loathing and contempt. The voice was firm and loving and I recognized my own spirit guide.
‘Fine. I will, but I am done with this pretzel making routine,’ I said in my thoughts as she continued to pat herself on the back.
I sent her $100 for her message to me that day. She was astonished at the amount for the less than 10 minute conversation. To me, that felt an appropriate amount.
I had wanted to scream back, “I DO LOVE MYSELF!!!” My ego was ENRAGED at the gall of this intrusion into its idea of itself.
Then I considered the truth of the divine message. What does it mean to love myself? I had not been loving to myself when I drove like a maniac an hour and a half to try to get back on time. I did not love myself when I ignored every cell in my body that said, ‘Just cancel this, it’s not worth it.’ I did not love myself when I put my most valuable possessions, including my precious child, in harm’s way through recklessness. I flat out just didn’t love myself. I saw the truth that day…and like many other instances of truthtelling I’ve experienced, it wasn’t pretty.
The angels were right. And, regardless of the messenger, the message was received.
That was the beginning of starting to learn what self love is all about to me.
And, though I read this now and it may not sound funny, if you could hear me tell this story, you would be rolling on the floor laughing like a client was a couple of years ago when I shared this same message…It’s time to love yourself. And, I shared with her how I wanted to throttle the messenger who brought me the message! And how I was SURE I DID LOVE MYSELF, thank you very much!!!
Love isn’t easy though it should be. Once you unravel all that isn’t love, self love gets a whole lot easier.
Here’s to all of us on Self Love day!
You all know I journal my dreams. What I don’t always do is share my dreams with you. I have, on occasion, shared some of the juicier ones. This one, though, is a sweet treat and reminder of what is true.
In my dream, I walked into an older house – ranch style with many people milling about inside. I walked in and saw these wool rugs hanging from the walls. Remember those rugs we used to make in the 70s where you take a little tool and loop a piece of yarn to create a piece of art? Well, they were like that and they were green and pink – very preppy. Lots and lots of pink graced the rugs. These rugs were HUGE, too. One of them almost looked like a landscaping design with waves of green and pink.
As I walked through the house, I noticed that I was drawn to this doll house that was built into the column of the house. It was like this column was a weight-bearing structure for the house that seemingly had no other walls to support the roof.
I kneeled down and opened up the doll house door and peered inside. I gasped with recognition of the sheer work it took to create this amazing piece of art. I felt like I was in my own little world in my dream.
Then, someone asked, “Do you like it?”
And I replied, “Oh yes, I LOVE it! I can feel the energy of every one of these little creations and they are magnificent!”
Then the young man replied, “Yes, we’ve always loved it. My dad was an artist and he loved to create and build these little pieces, but no one ever seemed to want to pay what they were worth, so instead of selling them, we just kept it.”
I could feel the sadness of his words, and I knew it was nothing like the magic that I felt coming from the doll house.
I said, “Oh, that’s too bad. I’m sure your father was a genius.”
The boy remarked, “Yes, he was always creating something, but he never seemed to be able to figure out the market.”
As we stood there talking, this giant, more lie GIGANTIC pink poodle came rushing up to me. Standard size is large sized, but this poodle was more like great dane sized. She jumped up on me and put her feet on my shoulders (very much like Rico has only tried to do once or twice). She was massive and the sheer weight of her pressing on me felt heavy. But underneath the enormity of her presence, I could feel a playfulness, a jaunty spirit and I also could feel that she loved me very, very much. I knew in that moment with her (inside my dream) she would do anything for me. She was a willing companion and, not only that, but she was well-trained, smart as a whip, playful, fun and had boundless energy.
The boy tried to call her down. Her name was Princess. The more he tried to get her off of me, the more she seemed to hug me. I put my hands out and rubbed her fur and realized this fur was the same fur that was on the fluffy pink and green art pieces that lined the walls. I could feel her girth under my hands and I hugged her back. She licked my face and then jumped down and trotted off as quickly as she came.
One of my mentors would often say our minds are like a pet. If Princess was any indication of my mind, she is ENORMOUS, which does not surprise me at all. What does surprise me is how well-trained I knew my mind was in the dream. And, I could tell that it had boundless energy to support me in . What I didn’t realize was it could be fun and companion-like and these two ideas felt really good.
As I processed this dream…the feeling underneath was helpful and magical. Princess brought this amazing helpful energy and I knew I could ask my mind for anything and she would retrieve it. I realized that I have trained my mind and the other parts of me, too, in a way that I am not sure most people experience day-to-day. To acknowledge this felt so good.
The doll house represented my inner wonderland. It also holds the many creations I love to create and dream of, but that I don’t always share with others. I felt so alive peering through that little door into the wonderland of the artist father.
The dream offered a glimpse into my own thoughts and limiting ideas about my favorite creations…ideas I have let go of since having this dream.
And, the art on the walls showed me what I am willing to share and display for everyone to see, yet I keep the true magic to myself, not because I don’t want to share, but because I am not sure anyone would love the magical side of life like I do…would anyone really see the value in these ideas?
And, truthfully, I didn’t value the magic side…until now. See, how it works… I say maybe you won’t value them when I am not valuing them, but as soon as I value them, then of course, you will too.
That’s the power of dreams. To be able to quickly and easily flip and dip back into your truth.
So, instead of sharing the magical side of me, Princess and I have walked the sidewalk of practicality and information. Oh, of course, my magical, sparkly Queen of Dreams slipped through, but it isn’t the same. 
I know it, too. We have created many things…many books that are practical and helpful and have even helped change lives. And those creations will still be part of what we create because I have parts of me very committed to that work.
Now it is time for us to spend more time in the wonderland inside of me. To create magical creations for you and to share my spirit in a way I have not been sure of until now.
Since that dream several weeks ago, I have made more decisions…to share the deeper, richer sides of me and to create from a higher place within. Dreams hold power and access to the richest sides of you…consider connecting to your dreams today!
Looking for a Dream Life:
Ever get a message in many ways? Well, this is what happened to me this week. I received an email from a friend who was reading my blog and he told me he felt downright sparkly after reading it. And another reader emailed to tell me she felt like I really ‘got’ how she felt.
I had been wondering…Is my blog something I should continue to do? Does it make a difference? Am I connecting heart to heart in a way that matters?
I got my answer in many, many ways…and Beverly sent this post to me…for you. As much as I share and serve to remind…LOVE YOURSELF…I still find myself in tears of gratitude to be loved so deeply.
Enjoy!
Love,
Tina
Sometimes the things that are right in front of our noses … those beautiful every day things … are the most important messengers, but because they are there every day … we might tend to love them, yes, but also quickly move on to the next, and the next, and the next thing in life … without stopping to say “Thank You. I Love You” …
So I am stopping right here, right now … in the midst of just a little J chaos in my home as I prepare to have all the old flooring replaced with new… and this is what I am stopping for … to say Thank You Tina … and I Love You Tina … for all you do and for all you are and for sharing with sooooooooooooooooooooo much joy about beauty-full Life.
I had taken a moment in the midst of my to-do list to read your Blog. There I was transported from my world of ‘to do’ to a world of ‘done’ … beautiful hand-painted silk scarves … a young boy who got his magical snow day … a snowman made by boys in shorts and sandals and one big dog who knows he is a person too … parties where joy abounded, so much so that it spilled out into Tina’s Blog and into my home and my heart.
When I went downstairs and looked at the ‘chaos’ again … everything seemed brighter for some reason … the bags, the boxes, the files had taken on a sort of whimsical energy … and what once felt like work now felt like playful interaction with all that awaits my participation in the game of life !!!
So I started thinking … where else is Tina gifting her beautiful messages in my life and in the lives of so many others. I just had to smile … talk about a big list! … I think everyone can relate to what I mean here! I have concluded that Tina’s life itself is one big beautiful message she is sharing with us all … and how lucky are we because each precious moment is infused with such love and joy it literally infuses us with love and joy too! What a precious blessing that is!!!
So this one is for you dear Tina … a Miracle Messages of Love through your beautiful Heart and Soul … with deepest gratitude and a big hug!!!
Shared with You with Love, Beverly…
Looking for a Dream Life:
I am so amazed with myself that I have held off as long as I have on this post. I am also amazed that this movie didn’t do better than it did at the box office. Months ago, as I watched the clips and previews, I wondered if knowing the entire ‘story’ would affect attendance. I mean, who wants to shell out cash to go see a movie they ‘think’ they already know the beginning, the middle and the end?
I wondered about this myself since after the PR circuit, I knew the ‘story’ and knew the horse won the triple crown for the first time in umpteen years.
Yet somehow, this movie pulled me in and lured me to go see it opening week. Though I might be a tad bit more sensitive than the average bird, I am not the only one who felt the call to this movie. Nearly every person in my current program went to see it opening week. My mom did, too (and she only goes ‘to’ the movies once or twice a year!)
Here’s my two cents. GO SEE IT!!! It’s one of those movies you really want to experience on the big screen. Really. Mom and I are even planning to go see it AGAIN on the big screen. I can’t even remember the last time I did that – the original Rocky and Grease come to mind. That was a LONG time ago!
Mom and I talked about this movie for an HOUR about the nuances of the events that led to Secretariat’s moment (and all of those involved in his historical place in time).
My point?
It’s not about the triple crown win.
This movie is about being a winner as my mom put it. It’s about following your heart. About listening to your gut when everyone and everything around you says not to. About grabbing life by the handle and hanging on. About being mighty and humble when everything inside of you wants to lash out. About doing things even when they are inconvenient. About being the wrong gender at the wrong time in the wrong industry and finding yourself triumphant – not because you are difference, but because you are. It’s a big-time movie about second chances.
And, for those of you who have read my many posts on horse spirit (just search horse spirit on my site to find them), this movie is about horse spirit and the energy of being allowed to be yourself – even if that isn’t ‘acceptable’ to others.
I could go on and on about the performances, but I won’t because the performances delivered these messages in such a powerful way.
For those of you who have families and who try to keep your kids from ingesting violence, this is a keeper.
Secretariat so captured our imaginations that we did some research about him and found out that he had an abnormally LARGE HEART – 22 POUNDS! That’s the heart of a winner!
Looking for a Dream Life:
About a month or so ago, I attended an author’s panel at a local group. There were nine of us authors who were asked to attend to talk about the ins and outs of writing a book, publishing a book and so forth.
One of the things that I took away from the evening is a greater commitment to share with the world God’s love for them no matter who they are (including myself). The catalyst?
A well-known personal development guru who shall remain nameless.
When I arrived, I pulled out my new book, Must Be Present to Win and put it on the table along with my first book, The Power of Love. Yes, we were at a business get together, but since most of my clients are business people who take more trips to the ditch than most would dare admit, I really didn’t think much about it.
A friend who is a publicist, came up and suggested I give this person a copy of my book, which I did. She admitted that she was primarily there to get guests for her syndicated radio show. That seemed great to me as I had just heard of her a couple of hours before the gathering. Before that, I had no idea who she was – never even knew she was supposed to be a ‘big deal.’
I gave her my book. She thanked me for it. And, offhandedly turned around and asked me why I wrote it.
I told her I had a crisis that gave me an amazing experience with heavenly beings and that I documented the tools that came out of that experience in the book. I didn’t tell her that I felt it was the least I could do to thank all of the people, the messengers who came to help me find my way back to the living.
She said, “So your faith is important you?”
I said, “Absolutely.”
She said, “Well, mine is EVERYTHING, if you know what I mean. And, if yours isn’t mine, then you don’t get on my show.”
The energy she exuded was firm and she spoke forcefully. I started to feel sick to my stomach. For about 10 seconds, I allowed this energy to affect me, but then I said to myself, “No. I don’t have to accept this. I know God loves all of us.”
For me, I have done my best to share a message of love and hope to people. I’m not perfect, and often fall short of the aim even though Jesus is one of my guiding lights. He has shared with me…“Do not worry about the religions of the world. I know every heart. Every heart is mine.”
Most of my clients are Christian…usually they have drifted from their faith and are looking for comfort. Jesus is the Divine Comforter and Compassionate Heart. This is why every heart is his. He is within every heart already. To know Him, is to simply return to your heart.
I walked away from the event knowing this person was a Messenger for me. Her message? “Do you accept yourself wholly for who you are?”
In that moment, I began to accept myself in a way that is courageous. I am what I am. I am intuitive. I can hear divine guidance. I do have a high level of discernment, so not only can I hear it, but I can see who the messenger is and know who it is that has brought the messages. This means I am a medium, in the vocabulary of today.
I do assist others to reunite with their Truth, their divinity. And, yes, my faith is very important to me, and, yes, most of the people who attract to me are Christian. I didn’t ask for this. Jesus came to me when I was a little girl. He has asked me to help his people – all of his people – just as he has requested of me my entire life.
So, I thank this person for bringing the gift that has allowed me to walk courageously in a world that may not always understand that God works in mysterious ways, and brings messengers of light in many different packages.
Mark said something to me the next day as I grappled with the message I’m sharing here. He said, “You know, every person is one experience away from changing everything they believe.” The truth of what he said was undeniable. I’ve seen what one encounter with the divine can do for a person. And, this, ultimately is why I continue to be who I am.
