Queen of Dreams Radio
Posts Tagged ‘love life’
Hey everyone. Thanks for the emails and words of kindness. Many of you were concerned about me because I haven’t been posting. The good thing about getting your emails is that it shows me that I post regularly enough that when I DON’T, or perhaps without a mention of why I am not posting, it alerts everyone that something may be wrong.
I am alive and well. No sickness here. I have just been really busy this week though I have many blog posts rolling around in my head.
I am finishing up my Ph.D. and starting my dissertation research, so I have been in that creative space and it is taking a lot of my creative energy and focus! Send your prayers, energy and love to me as I finish this up. My goal is to give this to myself for my birthday this year.
I was thinking about the last time I did this. I was 28 and a half and I had two years of school left to get my bachelor’s degree. I had been fiddle farting around for EIGHT years trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Before that, I had changed my major repeatedly…journalism, English, teaching, psychology. Well, the truth is that I knew what I wanted to do… I wanted to get my degree in social work and coach/counsel people, but all of the social work classes were during the day and I had a day job.
And, so I drifted. I focused on work, work, work working 60 to 80 hours per week.
Then, at around 28 and a half, I just woke up one day and thought, “I’m going to finish my degree before I turn 30!” I took action, signed myself up for as many classes as I could get. Figured out the money piece and went for it.
I took between 18 and 21 hours per semester every semester while working 60 to 80 hours per week so I could meet that goal. I didn’t think about it (thus I had no FEAR), I just did it. And, I hit the honors roll repeatedly, too. When I look back on that time, I don’t think of myself as being ‘great’ or ‘above average,’ I realize I just made an intention and followed through with it. Things happened to support me along the way, too.
For example, one semester I didn’t have the money to pay for my tuition. I was sitting in my office at work pouting about the situation, and admonishing myself for not saving more. I had taken a bunch of mini-vacations that left me short. I paid my way as I went, and I was short by about $1,500. Of course, I was MOST disappointed I would not meet my goal of graduating by my birthday. As I sat there, my boss at the time wandered in and asked me what I was doing and why I had not left to go register. At the time, the controller of the company and I were both finishing our degrees and she had already left to go register.
I told him the truth. I didn’t have the money, and so I wouldn’t be going that semester. He said, “What? Wait right here.” And then he left for a few minutes. I just sat there pouting. He came back and threw a check across the desk at me, “Here! Now get your ass over to that school and register!”
I moved as fast as I could to scramble and get over to the school in time. I never forgot that kindness, and, yes, I did hit my goal of graduating (with honors) by my 30th birthday.
A few months ago, I had the same thing happen. I was just talking to Mark and in the middle of it, something inside of me said, “It’s time to finish your degree.” I had completed most of the coursework but had not even sent it in! I realized I had great anxiety…as I shared in an earlier post, anxiety follows me when I get too far ahead of myself or when I am in a situation where I feel uncomfortable (usually because I don’t know how it works).
So, I got right up and went and put everything in order and I put down a schedule that would work and feel I can complete it (by working MANY hours per week) by my birthday. So far, so good! I feel energized by the coursework, which seems to be a blessing every day I go to it. I am realizing how much I have learned from Spirit and every day I get validations in my coursework that these tools are grounded in psychology and holistic practices that support people in being all they can be.
An intention has amazing energy tied to it. It can carry you along when you, yourself, don’t even know how you will make it. Whatever you desire, you can have it. Start today with an intention and watch how you will be guided, supported all the way to its creation!
Looking for a Dream Life:
In our neighborhood, we have a ‘volunteer’ association. This means that we don’t pay home owners association dues unless we choose to do so. One of the ‘benefits’ of donating is that you get Crimewatch emails that detail every crime that has been committed within a 10 to 15 mile radius of our little neighborhood. You also get a little newsletter that, again, highlights the crimewatch items.
When we first moved into our home, which is nestled into a little neighborhood of perhaps 60 houses total, and that backs up to a greenbelt that is lined by a creek, we signed up for the volunteer association. Back then, while I knew that old adage, what you focus on expands, I wasn’t quite as sensitive to it as I am now.
That first year, nothing seemed to make its way to us. We didn’t receive the Crimewatch emails and very rarely received a newsletter. I didn’t think much about it, and didn’t donate again because, quite frankly, I forgot and no one asked us to donate.
Then, about three years later, while I was in the middle of my own crisis, we were stopped on the street by the person who does the Crimewatch bulletin. Apparently, he knew those of us who weren’t donating. Our conversion van had been parked out front, and though I repeatedly asked Mark to bring it to the back (we have a gated back drive) as I felt something was off, he didn’t and the van was broken into and the big screen TV, DVD, and Chance’s childhood DVD collection were stolen. The man who stopped us said, “Now, maybe you will contribute to the association. Do you want to volunteer for the Crimewatch team?”
I remember standing on the street feeling a tiny bit of fear about being invaded, and then this man’s pounding energy flying at us with such bitterness.
We donated, just like we did before, when asked. To me, I don’t really think about this sort of thing. It certainly wasn’t personal. At the time, I was in very low frequency, too; a neighborhood donation paled in comparison to other concerns. A perfect match such as it was. I began receiving these emails filled with this intense hatred and agitation. I couldn’t read them … they were filled with too much energy. What I remember most was the lists of crimes and this man’s stories about how someone stole his identity and then it had happened to his brother…on and on it went.
I was sitting here about to update my bio when one of his emails popped up on my auto email alert, and all I saw was the first line… I haven’t received any crimewatch alerts. Apparently, he has passed the baton to someone not so organized as he.
Today, his presence brings me gratitude. I’m thankful I’m my mother’s daughter – the woman who left her purse in a Wal Mart parking lot and a young man returned it, complete with the $100 dollars from the check she cashed and her two checkbooks; one personal and one business. I’m grateful that even on that day when our van was broken into, I knew things would be okay; they always are. I’m grateful I’m not preoccupied with the insanity of others…and the experiences that insanity brings to others.
I’m also grateful for the man who, until today, I didn’t realize was an angel sent to me to show me how I was feeling at the time… it’s us against them. Today, I know that’s not true. And, for that, I’m delighted to send him love and hope that one day soon he knows that for himself, too.
Well, it’s official. I’ve decided to use the methods I teach to create everything else in my life to work with weight loss – vitality gain. I’m sure you are saying, “Well, why didn’t she think of that before???” And my answer would be, “I have NO CLUE!”
I can only think that it must be because in this area of my life, I have so many ingrained patterns, beliefs and – yes, mindsets – around the subject. No more!
So, I’m going to chronicle my success on my blog and let you all know what’s going on with it. I really can’t believe how easy this is so far. Plus, I’m going to tell you step by itty bitty step how I’m doing it. All right here!!
No, these are not my toes… 