It’s been three months exactly from my first post on easy weight loss. So much has happened! I wanted to share some of what has been going on, what I’ve heard from others who have been sharing their results and some thoughts I’ve had in between.

On the subject of feeling…I remembered back in high school when I used the ‘feelings’ (energy) of others to lose weight. At the time, I had no idea what I was doing, but now I know exactly what I was doing and why I got the results I did. Back then, I was a very overweight 13 year old. I wanted desperately to wear cool clothes and to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. One day, the idea to ‘pretend’ to be like one of the ladies I saw who was really thin (fit never entered my mind, I wanted to look thin!) popped into my mind.

What I was doing energetically was connecting to these women as a collective. The more I tuned in to their energy, the more my behavior changed. That was the summer I became anorexic, but I really wasn’t ‘consciously’ doing it…I was simply following the energy and doing what came to me. The energy of the collective was controlled. I remember wanting a candy bar one day and this constraining feeling came to me instantly…control, resisting = good. The more I tuned into control, resisting and the feeling of achievement with being these, the less I ate. The less I ate, the better I felt. Remember…control, resisting = good. I lost 80 lbs. in just over 3 months. I mastered my body in the most destructive of ways. Whew! That’s when I also tuned into the compulsive exercising energy, too. Let’s put it this way… no one should be working out 11 hours a day – ever.

Alas, I have vowed to master and commit to my physical in the highest way for all parts of me this time – once and for all!

So far, this is what has happened:

1. I have really felt intense love for my body – flaws and all. I had a photo shoot and really had fun! Mark and I did our first video that was equally as fun. I just really don’t have the desire to judge my body at all. I appreciate how adaptable it has been and how strong it is. Others have sent emails saying that they are also feeling more love for their bodies – where they are, right now. The journey doesn’t feel like a competition with time, it is just a trip to feeling good physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Isn’t that cool?

2. At some point in the last three months, I had an epiphany around shifting from the inside-out. The point is to let go of all of the ‘trappings’ of the external reference point that affect the internal. These include anything that feed the part of me that habituates to ‘keeping score’… the measuring, the results, the getting to a destination… all of these energize the part of me that has helped me be very successful, but has also created an unhappiness that keeps me from being me. I let go of measuring through scales and measuring tape (an old friend). The clothes sizes…the noticing is as it happens… I’m not focused on them, they are simply part of the experience.I’ve gone down two sizes in my shirt size. My oversized workout t-shirts look like night shirts now. It’s almost time to go shopping for new under garments. VS…here we come! It’s like praise of any sort… nice, but not necessary.

3. The day I remembered my experience from 13 years old, the memory literally just popped into my mind. I thought, ‘Well, I don’t want to go that far again…but I could definitely tune into a ‘fit’ energy and work from that flow of what is best for me.’ So, I’ve been doing this (not regularly like I did before), and it is fascinating how wonderful it is to have a boost. There’s a flow to eating what I want (including chocolate cake and pie) or what I’m craving, and cutting back in other areas without ‘thinking’ about it. It’s been fascinating. I have the most incredible urges to work out… like I used to. I’ve done it once. Now that the book is put to bed, I’ll spend some time exploring how I want to work out now. Walking is always a welcome way to connect with my body.

4. I also noticed that there’s an energy or feeling to truly desiring something intensely. At 13, I intensely wanted to change my body that I didn’t like. At nearly 42, I simply love my body and want to enjoy it in every way I can. I don’t have an intensity to change like I did before. I don’t loathe myself. Surely there’s an intense desire I can connect to now. I keep going back to that free wheeling image I got at the start of this journey… cartwheels in the backyard. There’s absolutely the yummiest, free feeling associated with it. The childlike feeling I’m experiencing internally is a match to cartwheels and jumping on the trampoline. That feels good. I’ll keep you posted if new things come up.

5. Noticings. I’m not sure what this one means, but I’ve been noticing how small people’s shoulders are. We watched Back to the Future (the first original movie) and I noticed how tiny the people were in that movie. I’ve been noticing this in other situations as well. We watched Father of the Bride and the people in that movie appeared to be even smaller. I never noticed this before. As I’ve been noticing their smaller shoulders, I’ve also noticed my own. Wow, isn’t that interesting? I’ve also been noticing athletes. Perhaps my inner athlete is waking up. Isn’t this so much easier?

One last thing. During the last two weeks of getting my book to press, and as I relapsed into my old achiever ways, I noticed that I ate unconsciously and ravenously. I would reach for coffee and tea like old friends, and keep going. The sharp contrast between my joyous creating of the weeks before with the pressure being applied (errors in the graphics and a deadline of announcing the book’s arrival) brought back unconscious old habits. I noticed these, and vowed to set a schedule, work environment that uplifts me and allows me to love myself. Life really is too short to live any other way.

Send me your stories…letters[at]TinaFerguson.com I’m collecting these for my book that will share this process and share with others how they can do it too!

Looking for a Dream Life:

• back to the future part 2

Yesterday, I enjoyed an amazing session with Dorine Fernandez, M.A. LAc, a Diplomat of Oriental Medicine, and wonderful acupuncturist. As I closed my eyes and breathed in the stillness, I heard this song in my head…live, live, live… sung to the Beatles song, All You Need is Love.

I smiled feeling the humor in this simple, sweet message. Ah, yes… live, live, live…that’s where it is, isn’t it?