A few months ago, I went to see Ellany, my friend and gal pal, because we planned to go get ‘makeovers.’

I can’t remember the specifics of how the comment came up when Ellany said, “I see you. When you have your make-up on, and are dressed in your girly shoes and dresses, I know that’s you. It’s SO you.”

There’s something about your truth that grabs you in the throat and heart and gut all at the same time. I blinked many times quickly so that I wouldn’t let the tears rushing from my throat to escape. I wondered, ‘Why does this touch me so deeply?’

I thought about that moment many times in the following weeks, wondering what it was that she could see and others haven’t. It reminded me of something Sonia Choquette said in one of the workshops I attended with her many years ago…I see you is the highest form of love. The truth is…I felt loved in that moment…to the depths of my soul.

It’s so easy for us to ‘see’ people’s flaws, their insecurities, their foibles, their mistakes and, sadly, I believe most people think this IS people’s truth – who they are. I know, FOR SURE, it isn’t. I have not met one person yet who doesn’t have a brimming, brightly-lit soul full of beauty and love. When we focus on people’s ‘ick,’ we energize it. When we focus on their truth, we energize it. What cuts to the negative, can just as easily cut to the positive. To see the love a person is – deep inside…that takes seeing with your heart. Looking with loving eyes.

I remember when I wrote my second book, I had many people telling me that I wasn’t this or wasn’t that. My agent at the time said I was “serious,” not whimsical and child-like like my book. She said my book was too “playful” and wasn’t “serious” enough. At the time, I was struggling to determine exactly who I was. I had been so good at being whatever I needed to be in any moment, the “me” that I am got lost along the way. My agent’s pressing words forced me to look to see what was real – what a gift!

I thought to myself, ‘Well, I can be TOO serious, but my heart, my spirit is playful. This is as “me” as it gets! I am the QUEEN OF POSSIBILITIES!!! It takes a childlike viewpoint of ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE to show up like this!’  I realized, too, that she identified with my business consultant side, which, in our experience together, had been dead serious, because her situation had required it…I showed up in the energy of ‘let’s MOVE’ because that is what the situation called for – dead serious, every moment counts, we must turn this ship around NOW!

The truth is, we all have EVERYTHING inside of us. Every facet, every aspect is waiting for us to express it, as needed. Our ‘expression’ is a blend of those facets we access most often. My entire inner (and outer) life is playing a game. If I shared how many games I have created for myself since I was a little girl, you would see that, to me, life is a big game to play. I make up games to get projects done. I make up games to clean the house. I even teach my inner games to others who just might like to play this way, too. And, just like playing a board game, the gamut of emotions are there too…serious, playful, competitive, concerned and more.

Anyone who knows me knows that I laugh a LOT…and bring a playfulness to serious things such as depression, being stuck, fear and the gamut of other human emotions we encounter along the way. I have lightened up along the way as I have discovered the game isn’t dead-serious. Do I act like I’m at the circus each day? No way – I’m playful, not a clown. One of the things I’m known for is bringing a “you can do this” attitude everywhere I go. However, I can bring a fire starter if people want it. I can bring an edge, too; however, it isn’t my preferred energy. I enjoy being laid-back, on-point and playful. Why do we need to be so SERIOUS all of the time??? Can’t we just do what we love and love the experience, including those we are serving?

That day, in the reflection of Ellany’s eyes and words, I felt that she saw me… my spirit… my truth. And, that is about as good as life gets. Pure magic! Thank you, Ellany!

Tigers…playful and yet dead-serious!

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I’ve had the opportunity to talk to several people who have been reading my praises for The King’s Speech, and each one has asked me, “What exactly is it that you see in this story?” No doubt they can feel my enthusiasm floating off of each blog post, but perhaps I haven’t communicated all that I felt from this movie…a great story of triumph!

As I watched the Oscars last night, I truly felt the presence of love as Colin thanked Olivia for being in his life…not unlike Sandra Bullock’s heartfelt tribute the year before to her husband at the time, Jesse James, which I believe was as real as anything regardless of what happened afterward – that moment was true. Natalie Portman, in love with love growing in her belly, also swept the big awards this year.

I asked Mark, “Have you ever noticed how people who are in love seem to leap to greater heights?” Perhaps I put two seemingly random connection points together, but it made me think about my own life and how when Mark and I first met everything seemed to bloom … it seemed like nothing would not grow in that energy. I had never known unconditional love like that before…it buoyed my spirit (I’ll share more thoughts on this and how love grows deeper over time in another post).

Great love…that’s what I see when I watch The King’s Speech. I see a man who stutters who has great love for his children, his wife, his country, but he does not yet have that great love for himself. Enter two others who bring heavy-duty mirrors to show him the love he is…to assist him in reclaiming his voice. Lionel (his speech therapist and friend) brings tough love and the unrelenting challenge of pushing the would-be King to be all that he already is. Elizabeth, the Duke’s wife, will not give up on love or on her husband. Her love holds space for the love the Duke already is to grow. In her Presence, he can bloom…and that is just like what I see in these actors…they bloom, grow more vibrant in the swirl of love. The King found his voice and acceptance (a.k.a. love) for himself through love – both friendship and deep romantic love as well as the love of his children. In so many ways, it is the most perfect example of ‘love conquers all.’

The saying, “Behind every great man is a woman no one knows,” and every other version of it seems to say that a great man is great and the woman is unknown, but the truth is without the woman, the man likely would not have been great. And so I see this, too, in The King’s Speech. In our day and age, there are as many men standing behind a woman, loving them…seeing them. Both necessary, equally as critical to the whole. Click on the image below to go to a great clip of “Elizabeth” in this stunning movie!

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A couple of weeks ago, I had two different friends ‘connect’ in the ether to ‘send some love’ and both thought, “Ooooh, something is very wrong with Tina, she doesn’t feel like herself.”

About a week after that, I was telling each of them of what was going on with me…what had transpired the week before. Both said, “I knew something was off, but I thought maybe you just needed some space.”

In this instance, a phone call sharing what they were each feeling/seeing would have been really helpful, even gratefully received.

I told each of them, “Please, please the next time you feel something like that with me, TELL ME!”

In this instance, I had a big energetic disruption that kept me from being all ‘me.’

We laughed about how funny things are, how we make up stories about not wanting to upset the person, about dismissing ourselves as being judgmental or intrusive or whacked or whatever else is our ‘not acceptable attribute.’

One thing I learned early on as a business consultant is that when I am truly in my heart, sharing what I see, people can take it. They may not like it (read: The Ego may want to scratch your eyeballs out), but their heart will hear the truth. Then their ego will come around.

I believe we need each other to be out best. Sometimes we can’t see or don’t want to see. Those who love us can see what we can’t…and from a place of love, the guidance will be accepted…whether the ego likes it or not!

A good friend answers truthfully… the question, “Does my butt look big in this dress?”

Today (right now – 5 am), one of my bestest friends in the world, Miss Debbie, will be walking in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure. This 3-day, 60 mile trek is to raise awareness and funds for breast cancer. Some other people I know will be walking, too, (hi Bethany! and Jeannine! and Karel Anne!); however, this post is dedicated to Miss Debbie.

I met Debbie nearly 14 years ago through my employer. When I left that job, she became one of my marketing clients. Since then, we’ve gotten to know each other much better (including finding out we have the same birth date!), and we’ve both seen ‘action’ in this thing we call life.

Five years ago, Debbie found out she had breast cancer. This year, she is walking to celebrate her fifth anniversary of being a cancer survivor. She is doing this for herself and other survivors and for those who may survive from the efforts put forth by organizations like the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Today, as I celebrate Debbie’s spice of life, I want to share just a few reasons (there are so many!!!) why I’m so grateful that Miss Debbie is a dear friend, part of my life and an integral part of my life journey.

1. Debbie marches to the beat of her own drum. Way back when, she used smiley faces and ellipses and dashes and ways of talking in email that absolutely made my heart leap for joy. When I saw her doing it, I started doing it, too. Yes, even the guys enjoy an occasional xxoo!

2. Debbie is on fire for life. She is all about the EXPERIENCE! One year, I did this birthday project for her and I got to see that most everything I wrote to her was about how she DEVOURED life. I’ve learned a lot from watching her eat life one day at a time. We have laughed for hours upon hours over the years…life is better with a friend!

3. Debbie has her own style. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it is woven into a pillow that she had sitting in her chair one day. She does this and more…with the savviness that makes MEMORABLE stand out in my mind. I’ll never forget the red shoes she wore to celebrate her last day of chemo. That’s style!

4. Debbie is no BS. As loving and as Pollyanna as she can be, she can pull out her General Patton and motivate you to be more than you can even conceive of for yourself. She reminds me that love comes in all kinds of forms.

5. Debbie has a big heart that is as big as the world. I’ve heard from people all over the world about little things she does with such love that makes a huge difference in the hearts and lives of others. When she was ill, that love came back in spades…wrapped in cards, food, gifts and an unbelievably huge helping of love. She is always looking for ways to serve others, connect people and make the world a better place.

Debbie, the world is a better place because you are in it! I’m celebrating your five-year anniversary and can’t wait to celebrate your 25-year anniversary! Good luck on the walk today, tomorrow and the next day. Our hearts are with you!

If you want to donate to the Cure, here’s a link! http://www.the3day.org/goto/DebbieMrazek

In true Miss Debbie style, she urged each person to donate just $1. She has more than tripled the amount asked to raise…and that’s just her style! She always does more than asked…with a smile!

Love you, Deb!

Miss Debbie and I spent an afternoon this week in a play date, a.k.a. Seymour Group (inspired by the fabulous Henriette Anne Klauser in her book, Write It Down Make It Happen).

We used to do Seymour Group every single Friday afternoon but with jet set-schedules taking Miss Debbie around the globe every week and the new projects I have on the burner, we’ve been getting together every other month or so. Such as it is, Seymour Group is still a place to come together to breathe, celebrate each other and to share ideas.

This week, I picked up Chinese food on the way over, and we both cracked up when we opened our fortune cookies and had the SAME fortune! I’ve never had this happen. But what was even more magical…what our fortunes said! Your loyalties are clear when it comes to friends. We thought that was a hoot!

Speaking of loyalties and friends…Mark, Chance and I watched the sweetest movie about the power of the connection between an owner and his loyal best friend. The movie is Hachiko and Richard Gere plays lead with Joan Allen as his wife. An amazing crew of Akitas play Hachiko at various ages. This is based on a true story, and you all should’ve seen us when we finished watching that movie – puffy, red, swollen eyes! Yes, but oh so worth the trip to know the faith, devotion and loyalty of a dog like Hachiko.

P.S. This photo is fuzzy, but we tried to share this with you! Maybe if you squint you can see it. Oh, and the backdrop is Amy Sedaris’s book, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. I just noticed she has another book coming out the beginning of November…looks like another hilarious title: Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.

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Ever receive a song written especially for you? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to write a song for someone you love?

A friend wrote this song for me… all I can say is…Wow!

Today is a day like none ever known

The day when a bright light was born

Dancing through life a day at a time

Today is the day to let your light shine

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you

One of the things people said over and over this year was… I’m so happy you were born. Now, maybe you have heard that all of your life, but I haven’t and each time I heard it I felt deeply touched.

Another friend sent this scrumptious art creation… Can you even believe it???

Last year, I wanted to do something special for a dear friend. I came up with the idea of sending a birthday card for every year she has been here – one for each year she was celebrating.

At first, I thought I would whip these out one a day, and I did for about a week, and then it was one every three or four days, and sometimes it was one every five days or so… MONTHS later… Let’s see, we share the same b-day, and I believe we finished around the first of the year… you do the math… July through January! LOL Good thing it is the thought that counts!

I enjoyed it so much and found myself not wanting to rush and wanting to really savor the experience. This took time and it is something I would recommend to anyone who really wants to consider how many years a person has lived… a card a year doesn’t seem like much until you start. And, that was exactly my intention… to really consider what makes a life and to celebrate my friend’s precious life in an extremely intentional way.

Do something fun, do something creative for someone you love today!

Where have the days gone? Gone with the birthday wind! That’s where! I have to say that this birthday just keeps getting better and better. More on that in another post.

I had lunch with two friends and that lunch was so joy-full! We laughed, we cracked up. We talked about teetering on high-heels. I told a story about how Oprah has five minute shoes where she can only walk from the back of the stage to the front of the stage and that’s it. One of my friends said, “I’ve got shoes like that.” And the other friend said, “Hey, I only wear 48 hour shoes.” I laughed so hard and so loud that the sound echoed off of the walls at Brio, an Italian restaurant. Now, that was funny. What a great time. We were there three hours and some change, and our little waiter never once forgot about us. He kept patiently refilling our water glasses and was SO sweet. When I opened my gift (see below), he asked my friend where she got the Miracle Worker mug because he wanted to get one for his wife. *Sigh* Can’t you just love him without even meeting him just for that??? We did!

If you like the items above, the company is MUD and you can find these at Hallmark stores. I’ve been given many MUD items and they are all amazing and unique!

Anyone who knows me knows I love roses. My mother-in-law gave me these beauties and I put them in a vase I got from Miss Debbie and the Sales Diva last year at the Dallas Sales Stiletto Bootcamp.

This year, the cards were off the hook. A friend gave me this one and I had to share it because of how unusual it was… see the fortune… it pulls out and this is what it says (bottom left): There will be happiness in your smile, joy in your step, and your path will be filled with nothing but dreams coming true. Oh yes!!

My sweet little family made me this card (see above) and stocked me up on art supplies that I’ve already put to good use. We love them and it’s nice to be loved, too.

I love sparkly things. Can you see how SPARKLY this card is? This friend also sent me a note with glitter and stars all over it.

I believe everything is BETTER with glitter and sparkle. It matches what I see inside of people.

We are all light-filled glitter balls underneath the surface.

This card just was so yum-o.

I absolutely cracked up at this card. I was laughing so hard, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt like this little girl… I had been eating so many desserts and cakes! And then… our sweet Main Street Angel added her little… Of Dreams… how perfect. Thanks, Nancine!

THEN, it came at about 3 pm on my actual birthday… just the way I felt it would. My book – FINALLY – here so I could hold it in my hot little hands! How cool… and I’m so excited about sharing it with you and the world! Happy Birthday to me… to you too… and the world as well.

Thanks to all who shared my b-day… more on some very cool, very unusual gifts this year… I hope you are inspired to do something special for others, too!

About 12 years ago, I met my friend Stephanie. She was a marketing director at a large accounting firm in Reno, Nevada. I was a marketing director at a large accounting firm in Dallas, Texas.

She called one day and we chatted about marketing, but soon grew to be fast friends.

Nine years later, she was my maid of honor, seven years later, I was her matron of honor, along the way…we had Chance, she and her husband, Troy, had Samantha.

We have only physically seen each other six or seven times. But, still the connection today is as strong as it ever was.

I thought about her briefly last night before falling to sleep. This morning she emailed me to tell me about her writing adventures. Ah, still living parallel lives… and in addition to Stephanie, I have many, many other parallel sisters!

We all do… sisters and brothers… all living with us.

Isn’t it divine?

P.S. She just emailed me back and is ALSO playing the Queen… Queen Mommy complete with princess outfit!

THIS dress is amazing… totally queeny!

As all of you know, I’m cleaning out emails by the tons of KBs (more like MBs), and I’ve come across so really amazing emails. It seems a shame to throw them out! So I thought I would start a new category called Juicy Bytes and will share them with you! Not sure how this will work, but I’m sure it will all be splendid!

I sent this email to a woman who sent out a question over a listserv – sorry I don’t have the original email, but here’s my response to her question about ‘gift ideas’ for a friend going through cancer. This exchange occurred in January 2008 – too many good vibes to go to the delete button for sure!

Hi -

One of my dearest friends had breast cancer a few years ago. She had a pair of ruby red slippers she wore her last day at chemo. She wore them out… like Dorothy clicking her heels and going home.

Since then, we’ve celebrated milestones. I don’t know if everyone is the same, but with my friend, the ‘date’ on the calendar each year is one where she is reminded because of oncologist follow-ups. So, on her one-year anniversary, I sent her two glass shamrocks from Red Envelope because we were feeling so “lucky” to have her with us and to express gratitude that she is alive and well. On another year (her anniversary is close to St. Patrick’s Day), there was another four leaf clover kit.

For your friend, it is going to be close to Valentine’s Day, so maybe something having to do with hearts and being heart to heart with her. Then you can have that special heart connection with her upcoming milestones.

What I found from listening to my friend is that it is the little things that meant so much. A yummy dinner dropped off when she didn’t feel like cooking, little cards sent here and there to keep her spirits up, a visit to drink tea – just to be together. I believe it is most about what your friend cherishes. My friend cherishes human connection above all things, so these are mini celebrations of who we are.

As I type this, I am reminded of all the crazy things we did during her cancer journey. We twirled around in circles in the Starbucks parking lot and let balloons go with our wishes attached. We took a day off to pamper ourselves together. Another day we just window shopped and ate and talked and talked. Another day we curled up at her house sipping tea and making plans for the future – our future together.

I was not one of the ‘inside’ team for my friend. She had many others who had gone through chemo who were there for her to show her the ropes on wigs, medicine, etc. I was there to be supportive and to hold the faith. I believe we all come with our ‘home team’ – each with our perfect role. Maybe your gift can be reflective of who you are for your friend. Or maybe it can be something that will help her feel more like herself – a housekeeper for a month if she’s feeling behind on housekeeping, a day at the spa for renewal, etc.

Best to you and your friend. We’ll be celebrating her recovery! I’m sure you will find the perfect gift to celebrate her life!

Hugs-

Tina

Here’s her response to my email:

Dear Tina,

Thank you So much for such a thoughtful and endearing email.  I read it over several times, not just for the ideas you suggested, but for the warmth and understanding you portray.

I completely agree that is the little things in life that allow people to realize how lucky they are to have such caring friends/family, etc.  It has been that exact human connection which has strengthened my girlfriend, and myself. 

After having her first chemo session, I realized it would be nice to stop by the hospital during her next one and keep her company for a while.  She loved the idea, and asked that I bring her lunch and we could act as though we were having lunch out together.  I did, and this became a ritual for each of the next sessions.  It helped her pass the time, and it helped ‘us’ to reinforce our already committed friendship.

With your terrific ideas, and those of others, I narrowed my gift list to a ‘pamper me’ event such as a massage/facial, a housekeeper, monogrammed slippers (which I saw on Red Envelope), a lovely cancer awareness bracelet (made by a woman, to order, with proceeds going to the ACS).  But-in the end, I think I am going with this-I am having dinner with her and 2 other friends this week.  I plan to bring my camera and have someone take a picture of the 2 of us.  I will take that picture and buy a beautiful frame and give it to her as a sign of what our friendship means to me.

Thanks again, Tina, for such a lovely email.

Wow, I feel like this is a permanent term in my vocabulary! A friend wrote a great sales book and included this idea in it – we all need traveling companions!

To me, I feel like all the messengers are traveling companions as are the earthly messengers – everyone is helping us travel to our destination. Yep, that means EVERYONE. The lady who hurt your feelings at the store, the guy who was grumpy at the gas station, the child who won’t mind, the partner who isn’t listening… EVERYONE is playing a part in your good.

When I share this with clients, sometimes the feeling is LESS THAN GOOD. Like WHAT? And, skipping all of the political stories, the illnesses and such, it really is true. Each hurt, each devastation, each experience is wooing you back to who you really are.

I remember that three years ago, I was fighting for my ego. My ego was going down, but I had no clue what that meant. I felt sad, I felt lost, I felt betrayed by the beautiful messengers who have been with me nearly non-stop since birth. I was mad – really mad.

In the middle of this desert, one of my dearest friends called. She was in the middle of a challenge herself. She was 42 and pregnant with her third child. She went to the doctor that morning and was told that her child was going to be brain dead. That his cranium wasn’t forming and, frankly, his brain was ‘leaking’ out the front of the non-formed skull.

She was so scared. This is a woman I know as fearless and her fear took my breath away. She is one of the people who have taught me more about faith, and here she was asking me to pray that he would simply go straight to God.

Immediately my desert landscape vanished and I heard a voice… “Will you help her?”

I thought to myself…what the heck can I do? I don’t know anything!

But there was something about the energy that accompanied that voice – something that I trusted. Something that beckoned me forward. My friend was one of the only people besides Mark that knew about what I was being shown from Spirit. I had been shown how the body looks in its energetic form.

I told my friend that I would pray for the very best for all involved – her, the baby, her family, and God. Whatever will be will be.

That night, I went to pray and meditate and was taken to ‘see’ her baby. I saw his disfigured face. It took my breath away. I felt scared. I thought I’m not made for this. I can’t do this. Why have you brought me here? You need someone who is more courageous than I am. But as I stared at this little baby who looked more like an alien than a boy, I began to see bits of skull floating around his face, and bit by bit I saw them build his forehead. And as I thought of how much I loved my friend and how scared she felt, I prayed to know what to do or how to help.

At the time, I really didn’t ‘know’ if I was making this stuff up or if it was real. I didn’t ‘know’ what to ‘believe.’ It just seemed too Twilight Zone. And, why me? I mean, seriously, at the time I thought anyone would have been a better choice – anyone.

I talked to my friend and she had another appointment a few days later with another specialist. The scans confirmed that the front part was definitely better, and the second doctor couldn’t seem to figure out why the first doctor thought it was so bad.

Encouraged that maybe ‘something’ had happened, I went to Spirit again and again for another seven days. Each day, I would see new healing take place. One day they continued working on his tiny skull, the next day they worked on his brain matter – electrically energizing it with blue light – it literally looked like Frankenstein when the switch gets flipped, the next day they began working on his heart and on and on it went.

Each day I would report back to my friend, and when I said something about the heart, she was so surprised because she had not even mentioned it – they said he would need an immediate heart surgery when he was born.

This was the beginning of January, and mid-March, a month before her due date, my friend went to the hospital in labor and before her husband could even get the car parked, she had had our little ‘lucky boy’ who was born on St. Patrick’s Day. He was whole and did not need a heart transplant. He has been written up in medical journals.

Some ask… is he completely healed? As in… the expectation of a ‘healing success’ is a 100% perfect baby. And the truth is that he is delayed – slower than normal, and completely perfect in all he is.

At the time, I too, believed that only 100% perfect was good and acceptable. Our world seems to only value what looks perfect, what appears to be perfect. I have always been results-oriented… and thought if you can heal the skull, why not put him at perfect?

I asked ‘why’ he wasn’t healed. I was told that this soul agreed to be a reminder (for now, as I have seen visions of him in high school at a podium giving a speech) of what is important for this family. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but shared it with my friend. She said she knew exactly what it meant. He had given her ‘permission’ to slow down. She said with her other children, she never took as much time to just ‘be’ and to drink in who they are. This baby taught her patience, and to enjoy a slower pace, and he also taught her how to ask for help. Her fearless, warrior spirit was so independent, never needing anyone – always helping everyone. Now she was the one who needed help. This lucky boy made it much easier to ask and to learn how to receive.

And, she said, he is a beautiful reminder to the other family members and that he holds so much peace for other people – that they respond to him in a way that is magical. Beyond that, this little guy has been an amazing teacher for the medical doctors too – amazing them with his recovery, astounding them with his resilience, and delighting them with his spirit.

Most people I know who have been through something devastating will tell you it was really, really hard. And those who were able to receive the gift in it will tell you that they wouldn’t change a thing. Some may think this is positive thinking, but I really believe that God is always teaching us every step of the way in life. And, He always provides us with wonderful, amazing traveling companions that can help lighten our load along the way if we will allow them to.