Queen of Dreams Radio
Posts Tagged ‘Freedom’
With my work life working well, my personal life was full of time, fun, and newfound freedom. A few months after I settled into my new apartment, I felt an energetic call to send my ex’s brother a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Being Peace. Frankie and I always had a connection, although I’m not sure why. Several years earlier, angels began waking me up to send him letters of encouragement. I would write these letters and send them. In our every day lives, Frankie and I never talked about these.
After 14 DWIs, Frankie called Huntsville home. Huntsville is located in south Texas and is a maximum security penitentiary. He had been there for years. And, honestly, until I got the energetic tugs, I would rarely think about him.
I woke one morning with guidance, “Send him a copy of Being Peace.” I dutifully took my book to work, and photocopied the pages because I couldn’t send him a book due to the regulations. I put it in an envelope and got it ready, and it sat on my table for several days. I meant to send it. But I didn’t.
I awoke a couple of weeks later and I knew something was wrong with Frankie. I felt frantic. I called my ex and he told me Frankie was extremely ill. His parents were on their way down to see him. The doctors weren’t sure if he would make it.
I felt horrible. I had let him down. This message was for him. To Be Peace. I’ll never know why or even if I had sent it if something would have been different. The anguish felt overwhelming. I let him down. I let the Messengers down. I kept that package and the guilt of not sending it for years.
The next day, he was gone. He died from a massive infection that spread throughout his body.
But, he was only gone for the family who loved him. For me, he became my new roommate. He spent time with me, hanging out in my apartment. Telling me when I was overdoing my internet time, guiding me on what to do or not do on a date. I had reverted back to being 19 in my mind. That was the last time I was single, and I acted like a 19-year-old. Frankie watched over me, steering me in a new direction. We got to be friends … he in spirit and me in my newfound freedom. I so wanted to tell his family he was not gone, but I knew they wouldn’t believe me.
My ex knew about the letters, but he just thought I was crazy. One night after I left, my ex told me that he was crying with his face in his hands when he felt a Presence behind him. When he turned to look, he saw a grandfather he had never known because this grandfather died before he was born. His grandfather said, “Everything is going to be okay. Do not worry.” That was as close as my ex would ever come to saying, “Well, maybe there is something to all the experiences you have.”
But, even with that, I knew he would not believe me that Frankie was living with me.
One of the things I ‘forgot’ about from my childhood is how much I love to act and perform. Months ago I began reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to Chance. I skipped some of the words and skipped over some of the more violent parts, but it was a great time sharing space and a love of literature with him, and it really brought back the memory of when I was in theatre in school. On some nights I would ask Mark to read, but soon Chance would say, “Dad doesn’t do the voices like mom does.” A part of me felt good about that…I really enjoyed mimicking the actors from the movie (that helped to have a ‘go-by’).
Because the Harry Potter books are so well written, yet violent and full of, well, drama, we elected to skip reading the other ones for now (Chance is only 8).
We then went on a search for a comparable kind of adventure book, and we found The Far-Flung Adventures books by Chris Riddell and Paul Stewart. We started with Fergus Crane and now are reading Corby Flood. In a few days we’ll begin Hugo Pepper, the third in the series. Paul and Chris are a great writer-illustrator team. The writing is action-oriented so it keeps little minds moving (big minds too), and the adventures are imaginative and fun. I’ve always loved stories about gizmos and gadgets (think James Bond, Inspector Gadget), and these stories have inventors and engineers who create fun, inventive creations. The books are magical, and, yes, there are plenty of characters that require mom to ‘act’ out the parts. I find that Chance drifts off to sleep faster and more gently, and that I feel light, bright and free when we read.
What a gift!
P.S. Tune in today at 2:00 PM CST to listen to Minette’s new show on 100.3 The Word (in Dallas) – I’m the guest! You can also download the Podcast on the North Texas Kids website!