Queen of Dreams Radio
Posts Tagged ‘Forgiveness’
I sent Dusty Rose, a.k.a. mom, a mother’s day card this year telling her how THANKFUL I am that she was my mother. She was a young mother, having me at 19 and my brother at 22 (just before her 23rd birthday). She didn’t impose a lot of rules on me, my sense is that it wouldn’t have mattered if she did, I would have just ignored them or broken them. She let me run wild and free. As a kid, I tromped around in the jungles and as a teenager, I put thousands of miles on my car exploring every back road and route from Aledo to Dallas, Texas.
When I was a kid, I took her allowing me to roam free as a sign of not caring about me…not caring if I got hurt or was injured. One day, while we still lived in Guam, I said, “There are wild boar out there! You know there are wild boar out there, and still you let us tromp around in the jungle looking for papayas!” When I was a teenager, I didn’t have a curfew, I could stay out as late as I wanted, sometimes I did – strolling home around 5 in the morning.
I vacillated between living with my mother and living with my grandmother throughout my life. My grandmother imposed rules and standards on how I would live with her and what I could and couldn’t do. I felt loved in these boundaries and I felt she cared. By contrast, I felt my mom didn’t care. Between the two, I got the love I truly needed – freedom AND boundaries.
I wrote to mom this mother’s day and thanked her for allowing the freedom to find out who I am and to roam like the free bird I am. She wrote back and told me: “I think we need to give your grandmother a lot of the credit here. Had she not been so controlling of me, I wouldn’t have been determined to NOT do the same thing to you.”
One of the things that happens along the road to accessing the soul’s path is ‘coming home’ to our family of origin. This is part of accepting all that we are and integrating into wholeness. I see now that ‘love’ to my mother is what she always wanted – freedom. She wanted to love me by giving me the freedom she never had. My grandmother had been such a controlling force in all of our lives…often stepping into our family unit, and she wanted to give me the freedom to be the mother I am, and to not impose her opinions and ideas onto me as well.
Today, I am grateful for both my mother and my grandmother’s influence. I see that I am a mix of both of their influences. Chance has a lot of freedom, but within boundaries Mark and I have set for him, for instance. We are all free birds, rule breakers, boundary pushers, and our family life reflects this. Because of our family make-up and design, we have the freedom to express ourselves in this way – Chance, included.
If you are awakening to your soul’s truth and find yourself drawn back into your family of origin, look for the highest truth and, there, you will find yourself.
Speaking of Dusty Rose, she is planning on having a Christmas in July party. She said she was going to go ahead and leave her Christmas decorations out on the porch until July and then just do Christmas in July! I love her style of decorating…it’s true… you can always find the road home.
Mom’s style is what you would call ‘rustic’ or ‘primitive’ and I love the vintage look. All of these ornaments are ‘vintage’ or as mom says, ‘old as dirt.’
Those Santas and ornaments were made like 30 years ago by my mom (and grandma, I think)!
Isn’t this crown the cutest little tree topper? It’s a candle wreath!
Close-up of vintage ornaments and mom’s “adopted tree” she confiscated from someone about to pitch it in the garbage. Is there any reason why I am so thrifty and crafty clever, too? I once wanted a queen sized bed for our guest bedroom (when I was married to my ex-husband). At the time, I made very little money, and so did my husband. I woke up a couple of days later and saw a wood frame sitting by the side of the road in the garbage pick up. I stopped on my way to work and hauled it home. It ended up being solid oak! It looked like a shorter version of a four-poster bed. The next week, a friend at work announced she was getting rid of her queen sized mattress. I claimed that, and hauled it home, too. Within a week, I had the guest bedroom set up just the way I wanted it!
My mom and stepdad make all kinds of birdhouses. Here, she put together a collage of three of them with some vintage canning jar candle holders.
We like to add ‘lights’ to everything! A little sparkle adds a bit of magic to everything!
Looking for a Dream Life:
Last Friday, Miss Debbie and I were having lunch at a favorite Mexican food restaurant near downtown Plano. As we chatted, she grew quite serious as she said, “I read one of your blog posts last week and I have something to say.”
I knew exactly what she was going to say, and was ready for it.
She said, “You wrote about the conference again and I just wanted to scream!”
I agreed. I had felt that way when I trekked back over into that place.
She said, “I mean, I get that it could be helpful to others going through that, but enough is ENOUGH!”
What Miss Debbie meant was that I have been talking about my ‘failure’ in my ‘visionary’ conference for nearly five years (next month will be its five-year-anniversary). I had asked her to ‘tell me’ when she saw anything on my blog that didn’t seem like ‘me’ as part of a BFF ‘truth pact’ we made several months ago. I realize that we all have many parts of us and those who love us can spot us leaving our ‘truth’ faster than anyone can.
She was sounding the alert for me last week on this ‘enough’ of talking about the failure stuff.
I giggled because I could barely wait to share with her what had happened after the posts. And, this, now, I want to share with you, too.
Nearly six weeks before, I had come home from visiting friends and felt a compulsion to start way back in my life and share the ‘road’ I have traveled. I had no idea why, but there was so much energy moving in me, I decided to trust it. For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I wrote for nearly two weeks on how ‘far’ I have traveled to ‘let go’ and ‘come home.’
Then, an interesting thing happened on the way to the end of the story…I had a life-changing dream.
In my dream, I was hired to set up a circus for a client. I was charged with hiring clowns for the circus, and wanting only the best for my client, I hired Cirque du Soleil! In my dream, the families came to the carnival and then I realized that I had hired clowns that cost too much money! At first, I was so afraid of the error, and then the part of me that has been ‘absent’ since the conference came in and I thought (in the dream), “Well, whether I need to pay them back on an installment plan for the next 10 years, we’ll figure it out because everything always works out!”
In the dream, the clowns arrived too early, and I realized that there would not be time for them to perform the entire act because the kids had to leave early to get to bed. The whole carnival seemed to be a ‘debacle’ (just like the conference, and the conference was ‘too early’ also in the eyes of others who felt I had ‘seen’ way too far ahead). But, still, the part of me that is sure, that knows, was right there in my dream not worried at all about anything. I was sure everything will work out one way or another.
While we waited for the clowns to go on, I went to go swimming in a bay nearby. I swam with a man and a woman under the full moon. The water felt refreshing and I swam away my concerns about the clowns, the money and the debacle. As I swam, I looked over and saw an enormous great white shark. I saw its fin first and then I noticed its massive body under the ink black water. In my dream, I did not feel afraid at all. And, I nonchalantly told the man and woman to quit splashing along and just to float in the current. I said, “Let the shark swim and take us out with her.”
The man did not listen and the shark moved stealthily underneath the woman and me and ate the man. I still was unafraid. In fact, I felt comforted by the massive animal. I felt this animal would devour anything that came near me, and I felt so grateful for its presence.
When I woke from this dream, I felt free. I felt safe. I felt protected. And, most importantly, I felt I was back. The part of me that ‘left’ was back. I felt thrilled, excited and happy!
And, this is also why it has been difficult to go back and continue with the energy (and the blog posts) that brought this dream…the dream was the finale, of sorts, to that active energy inside of me.
Miss Debbie acknowledged the dream and said, “Okay, but enough!”
And, I couldn’t agree with her more. Enough.
When I looked up Shark Medicine, this is what I found. Interesting? You decide!
Its role is survival. Its lesson is forgiveness (in my case…of the self). Its theme reclaiming innocence (for me, this is returning to my natural essence so there is no demarcation of ‘before’ the conference Tina and ‘after’ the conference Tina… there’s just the I that I am).
Additionally, Shark Medicine brings protection, which I felt so powerfully in the dream. There was no doubt in my mind that this animal would devour anything that might come to harm me. A large part of the failure had to do with one person, in particular, and, yes, just like in the dream, he was a man that continued to flail about!
The Shark offers the power of protection to those who resonate to it. In the course of our life’s learning we can attract events and people that are disharmonious. When there is something in your life that you need to frighten away call upon the shark to help you. Working with shark medicine gives you the power and confidence to drive off the negative.
I believe in the power of dreams because my own experience with transformational dreams is that I literally am not the same again…I am transcended with the energies. I share these deeply personal experiences to invite you into your own dream experiences.
And, thanks to Miss Debbie, BFF truth teller!
One thing I know for sure…I will NEVER forget the energy of this shark totem. Love knows no bounds. That shark felt like a part of me.
Looking for a Dream Life:
Last night, PJ Spur, Founder of Soul Revelations Healing Center, shared a wealth of information about forgiveness and its healing effects. Her generosity knows no bounds and she offered a 46-page forgiveness module for those who want to tap into this powerful healing. I have this module and am amazed at how PACKED it is with information and transformational practices. Grab it for FREE at pjspur@ymail.com. Just email a blank email to this email address and it will be sent to you immediately.
And, for those of you who want to work with a forgiveness meditation, grab my forgiveness meditation FREE at www.miitations.com. Just click the LOVE button and you will get the hook-up. If you want music with your forgiveness, I have this meditation set to music here under products.
I believe the work of forgiveness is the most important gift we give to ourselves. It is the highest form of love to accept ourselves and others unconditionally. Forgiveness will set you free.
Have a great weekend!
Big hug-
Tina
Saturday, Mark and I went to the Canton Trade Days with my mom, a.k.a. Dusty Rose. We all love a great bargain, and junkin’ is a fun adventure any way you slice it.
The only drawback about Canton this weekend was the HEAT. Ugh!!! It was 100 degrees with what felt like a zillion percent humidity. Can you say H-O-T??? Canton was hotter than Georgia asphalt, baby!
The heat must’ve gone to mom’s head because when she went home (over two hours from Canton), she stopped by Wal Mart for some groceries and to cash a check. She then promptly left her purse in the basket in the parking lot!
What??!!
She was about 20 minutes down the road headed toward home when my stepdad called.
“Where are you?” he asked.
“I’m about 20 minutes from home. Why?” she answered.
“Well, do you know where your purse is?” he asked very calmly.
She looked around as adrenalin poured into her veins.
“Why? Where is it?” she asked.
He started laughing and said, “Someone turned it in at Wal Mart.”
She called me to say, “Well, I have proof positive that the Lord looks after fools.”
After we mused about how amazing the story was… she had just cashed a $100 check and both her company checkbook and her personal checkbook were in that purse. I started thinking about my mom.
She is a simple person who sees the best in people and expects good from the world. She is the one who taught me not to ‘dwell’ on things you can’t change and to just keep looking ahead, always doing your best.
It doesn’t surprise me that her purse found an honest person who returned it to her with everything intact. That’s who she is and what she would do if the shoe was on the other foot.
In fact, her booth at the Trade Days where she sells her art and other collectibles was broken into a couple of months ago, and nearly everything has been recovered and returned to her. In addition, she had a stellar sales month the month following the robbery, despite the fact that she barely had anything left to sell. People literally showed up from hundreds of miles away to go to this Trade Days market that is out in the middle of nowhere! They gobbled up pretty much everything that remained.
That’s the power of positivity and believing the world is good.
I just hung up with her this evening, and we talked about the people who stole her products. Mom said that people have asked her, “Aren’t you angry they stole your stuff?” And, mom said she told them getting angry isn’t going to bring it back, why bother?
That’s my mom…always looking forward, forgiving what’s in the past and looking for the best in the future.
If you are ever in Bowie, Texas…drop on by and visit her – The Rural Route – inside of the second building on the right (if you are facing North)!
