Posts Tagged ‘easy weight loss’
It’s been three months exactly from my first post on easy weight loss. So much has happened! I wanted to share some of what has been going on, what I’ve heard from others who have been sharing their results and some thoughts I’ve had in between.
On the subject of feeling…I remembered back in high school when I used the ‘feelings’ (energy) of others to lose weight. At the time, I had no idea what I was doing, but now I know exactly what I was doing and why I got the results I did. Back then, I was a very overweight 13 year old. I wanted desperately to wear cool clothes and to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. One day, the idea to ‘pretend’ to be like one of the ladies I saw who was really thin (fit never entered my mind, I wanted to look thin!) popped into my mind.
What I was doing energetically was connecting to these women as a collective. The more I tuned in to their energy, the more my behavior changed. That was the summer I became anorexic, but I really wasn’t ‘consciously’ doing it…I was simply following the energy and doing what came to me. The energy of the collective was controlled. I remember wanting a candy bar one day and this constraining feeling came to me instantly…control, resisting = good. The more I tuned into control, resisting and the feeling of achievement with being these, the less I ate. The less I ate, the better I felt. Remember…control, resisting = good. I lost 80 lbs. in just over 3 months. I mastered my body in the most destructive of ways. Whew! That’s when I also tuned into the compulsive exercising energy, too. Let’s put it this way… no one should be working out 11 hours a day – ever.
Alas, I have vowed to master and commit to my physical in the highest way for all parts of me this time – once and for all!
So far, this is what has happened:
1. I have really felt intense love for my body – flaws and all. I had a photo shoot and really had fun! Mark and I did our first video that was equally as fun. I just really don’t have the desire to judge my body at all. I appreciate how adaptable it has been and how strong it is. Others have sent emails saying that they are also feeling more love for their bodies – where they are, right now. The journey doesn’t feel like a competition with time, it is just a trip to feeling good physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Isn’t that cool?
2. At some point in the last three months, I had an epiphany around shifting from the inside-out. The point is to let go of all of the ‘trappings’ of the external reference point that affect the internal. These include anything that feed the part of me that habituates to ‘keeping score’… the measuring, the results, the getting to a destination… all of these energize the part of me that has helped me be very successful, but has also created an unhappiness that keeps me from being me. I let go of measuring through scales and measuring tape (an old friend). The clothes sizes…the noticing is as it happens… I’m not focused on them, they are simply part of the experience.I’ve gone down two sizes in my shirt size. My oversized workout t-shirts look like night shirts now. It’s almost time to go shopping for new under garments. VS…here we come! It’s like praise of any sort… nice, but not necessary.
3. The day I remembered my experience from 13 years old, the memory literally just popped into my mind. I thought, ‘Well, I don’t want to go that far again…but I could definitely tune into a ‘fit’ energy and work from that flow of what is best for me.’ So, I’ve been doing this (not regularly like I did before), and it is fascinating how wonderful it is to have a boost. There’s a flow to eating what I want (including chocolate cake and pie) or what I’m craving, and cutting back in other areas without ‘thinking’ about it. It’s been fascinating. I have the most incredible urges to work out… like I used to. I’ve done it once. Now that the book is put to bed, I’ll spend some time exploring how I want to work out now. Walking is always a welcome way to connect with my body.
4. I also noticed that there’s an energy or feeling to truly desiring something intensely. At 13, I intensely wanted to change my body that I didn’t like. At nearly 42, I simply love my body and want to enjoy it in every way I can. I don’t have an intensity to change like I did before. I don’t loathe myself. Surely there’s an intense desire I can connect to now. I keep going back to that free wheeling image I got at the start of this journey… cartwheels in the backyard. There’s absolutely the yummiest, free feeling associated with it. The childlike feeling I’m experiencing internally is a match to cartwheels and jumping on the trampoline. That feels good. I’ll keep you posted if new things come up.
5. Noticings. I’m not sure what this one means, but I’ve been noticing how small people’s shoulders are. We watched Back to the Future (the first original movie) and I noticed how tiny the people were in that movie. I’ve been noticing this in other situations as well. We watched Father of the Bride and the people in that movie appeared to be even smaller. I never noticed this before. As I’ve been noticing their smaller shoulders, I’ve also noticed my own. Wow, isn’t that interesting? I’ve also been noticing athletes. Perhaps my inner athlete is waking up. Isn’t this so much easier?
One last thing. During the last two weeks of getting my book to press, and as I relapsed into my old achiever ways, I noticed that I ate unconsciously and ravenously. I would reach for coffee and tea like old friends, and keep going. The sharp contrast between my joyous creating of the weeks before with the pressure being applied (errors in the graphics and a deadline of announcing the book’s arrival) brought back unconscious old habits. I noticed these, and vowed to set a schedule, work environment that uplifts me and allows me to love myself. Life really is too short to live any other way.
Send me your stories…letters[at]TinaFerguson.com I’m collecting these for my book that will share this process and share with others how they can do it too!
Thanks for all of you who have emailed me about this subject. I find it fascinating that so many of you will openly tell me how beautiful I am and that I shouldn’t be hard on myself at the same time you will not do the same for yourselves. We are all beautiful…yes, indeed…with or without extra pounds, I believe. As the beauty isn’t captured in the dermis or the cells that make up your extra cargo (why do we call it junk in the trunk?). And, at the same time, are we living our truth?
I shared with one person who was so sweet… “Tina, YOU are so BEAUTIFUL!” she bubbled…that I can actually feel my physical body talking to me now that I have dared to go to the place I haven’t before. In the steps, I suggest that you ask your body what it looks like. This ‘inside-out’ formula has been such a gift already! I found out that my body wants to move in fun ways. It wants to do cartwheels in the back yard and wants to do big jumps on the trampoline with splits in the air. Wow – who knew?
A few days ago, as I meditated, my body told me my ‘actual’ weight that it wants to be is 133 lbs. I nearly gasped at that number as I have never dared allowed myself to even think or consider a number like that. I mean, we are talking about a girl who went to Diet Center at 165 lbs. and I literally fought to get down to 145. It took everything I had to get down to that number and it still didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything.
I visited the acupuncturist this week, and I mentioned the odd cravings I’ve had. I posted about these earlier, but for this conversation… olives, limes, celery, avocados, onions…it is like I can’t get enough of them, but I don’t want much of them at any given time. So, I’ll eat a handful of olives and then I’m done. I’ll eat half an avocado and then I’m done. Because I’m doing this inside-out, I am going with it. I’m trusting that my body knows.
Apparently, it knows that I need more alkalinity in my body. When I listed off the foods, Dorine (my wonderful acupuncturist) told me these foods were all alkaline. I thought, hmmm, interesting. Equally as odd is that I have absolutely no desire for chicken or turkey. The last few times I’ve eaten it, I felt so sick. Ditto for pasta – even the high protein kind. I can’t even stomach the thought of coffee. What??? This whole thing was so odd that I took a pregnancy test because I felt like I was so different. It’s like my body has taken over, and I’m ‘along’ for the ride. I’m enjoying it, but I’ve already had some odd side effects.
1. I feel a LOT more. I am learning how to work with my emotions in a totally new way. This isn’t about analyzing anything, but it is being available for what is in the moment. I am more aware of little nuances – keenly aware of little things that I used to notice, but now these are more front and center.
2. I love my body more. I had not been a Debbie Downer about my weight – made peace with it in my early 20s – yet I had been in what I’ll call ‘denial’ of my real size (I’ve posted on this – just search easy weight loss to see the posts). An interesting side effect has been to look at my thighs that are much more dimpled than ever before, or my fleshy bye-bye arms and really feel compassion for myself and love for my body that has kept me safe all these years.
3. My intuition is off the charts. I am not sure if this is because I quit drinking coffee or am not eating as much sugar or what, but my intuition is off the charts. Somehow that seems okay now instead of feeling like a burden. I don’t feel afraid to know things like I used to – they are just things.
4. Nowhere to hide. I am experiencing massive energetic shifts, and my body isn’t going to store any more for me. I feel that I have decided to release this weight and so with it, these shifts are happening. I am learning to work through these daily, and am reminded moment to moment I am infinitely supported.
5. Shifting to outer protection. Mark set up our new TV studio (so we can create some videos for you) and I got to put an old oversized chair in my office. Now, my office is already stuffed, but somehow having this old chair (a memento from my heroic leap of faith to go out on my own) held an important energy for me. Just having it in my office brought me joy. Mark started sitting in it and chatting with me, which I enjoyed. What I noticed is that having ‘stuff’ around me brought me a sense of safety and protection. Of what? That’s what I don’t yet know. So we will see. I do know that when I met Mark, I was at my lowest weight since I was anorexic in my teens, and my apartment was STUFFED to the gills – seriously, my dog had to even walk backwards! (since then, I’ve purged and purged and purged – TEN YEARS of getting rid of ‘stuff.’) I’m sure there’s a link, but again… I’m just going with the flow – no programs, no rules, just allowing, love and acceptance. This journaling is for me to share the process. I’m sure there’s a point in my future where there’s less of me and less stuff around me. THAT, I’m sure Mark will appreciate since he is a minimalist!
6. True connection – body, mind & soul. I told my mom about these flashes I had as I ate these corn tortillas. I said, “Mom, I know this sounds crazy, but…I feel so connected to this food in these fascinating ways.” I stumbled over the words, trying to capture the feelings and what was happening. I ‘saw’ these native americans grinding corn and making some type of bread. It made no sense to me, and at the same time, I felt so happy. I have been cooking and enjoying it.I see myself cutting up vegetables and making broth. I feel so connected to the food – it feels like it is alive and full of energy. Now, of course, I can intellectualize this and make it all rational and say this is about the food being energy and make it about that, but the truth is that it feels like people do to me – bundles of information and light. I wonder…have I ever noticed this before now? The only thing that comes to mind is when I read the most wonderful book about herbalists. I felt so connected to the plants in a way I have NEVER experienced, and it was a rich, sweet experience to know the vibrancy of God’s creations. Here I am today, enjoying that same connection with food. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for these items that grow and that we can eat. I find myself wondering if I ever have felt this way…and I honestly can’t remember a time when food was a ‘neutral’ or ‘safe’ zone. I either ate like my grandmother…an egg and no thought about it or I ate like my mom…where it was always about everything – happiness, sadness, celebrating, grief.
7. New experiences. Because I’m cooking now, I get new experiences with Chance I have not really ever had. Yes, I’ve cooked him a few things here and there (Mark does most all of our cooking), but not really in the way I do now. Because of the connection I feel to the food, to myself and to everything else, I am aware at the minutest level what the food really is. It’s an experience – with God, with the people who have grown it, created it, shipped it, with us as we eat together, and I have never seen Chance bite into a hot dog with such appreciation and ask, “How did you get it so crunchy inside?” all the while, smiling a huge smile and saying how “good” it tastes. I remember making that hot dog, and having a brief wince of ‘this probably isn’t very healthy’ and then a truth coming right behind it… no one is going to die from a hot dog. This was a gourmet hot dog, made from a high-quality organic company, and I didn’t have to ‘fear the food.’ I breathed a sigh of relief and finished making it – all from ideas that just came to me – without knowing how to cook.
I shared what I felt with Mark yesterday and told him I remember seeing myself doing these things a couple of years ago. I remember at the time laughing at the idea because I was so “not” that. I guess I am that. And so much more.
I encourage you all to comment here – I love getting your emails, and at the same time, I know we learn best together. Let’s release together and encourage each other to be our very best. Your story can add healing and hope to someone else’s life… never underestimate how powerful your words are.
P.S. I haven’t read Geneen Roth’s new book, but my sense is…it must be similar to what I’m experiencing here. I’m not going to read it now…I’ve committed to see where my body takes me (from the inside out)…what adventure I’ll have with food. I’ve heard phenomenal things about it from friends…do what feels best for you!
Can it really be this easy? Just focus on what your body really looks like under those mounds of flesh and watch them melt away. Yes!
Or so it seems. I’ve lost five pounds so far. What have I ‘done’ for that? Nothing. A lot. You determine.
I have been following my steps most every day. No, I’m not perfect and I don’t do it morning and night like I suggest or put out for myself. I just do it when I think of it and do my best. Doing my best keeps coming up – in emails, in creations, in art, in writing – and I just keep telling myself … “do your best.”
I have found myself wondering about weight. What prompts us to take it off? What puts us to sleep as we put it back on? I’ve done this two other times and this *WILL* be my last time. What prompts someone to go into hibernation and put on 80 to 100 pounds? I find myself asking me.
What comes back is a collage of thoughts. An overly sensitive child who could feel everything – in this world, in some other world. Remarks like “quit being so sensitive.” But how? HOW? Sugar…that is a good desensitizer. I’ll do that. I once ate boxes and boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies. When it came time to turn in the money, my mom asked HOW MANY BOXES did I eat? I had no idea. I just sat in my room and ate them. I imagine my ‘damage’ was close to $100 – a LOT of money back then. But I’ll never know because my mom never told me and never scolded me either. I’m sure I made up for it by scolding myself.
What’s funny to me now is that I was such an over-achieving kid, I always signed up to sell the MOST girl scout cookies. To get the MOST March of Dimes donations each year as we did our 20-mile walk. That year that I signed up to sell 26 cases (yes, that is not a typo), I saw that I had to get a health exam to be able to go to the Girl Scout Camp. When I saw the word, genitalia on the list, I asked my mom what it was, and after determining that every other body part had been accounted for and then watching her squirm for a bit, I knew exactly what it was. Right then and there, I decided, if that had to be inspected prior to going, I would not go. All of that hard work – door to door sales and eating boxes and boxes of cookies – went down the drain with my fear of exposing myself to a doctor.
Without all of the compulsiveness of the ‘doing’ I usually occupy myself with (diets, workouts), I am finding I have more time with myself to really consider releasing weight on an inner level. I still think it’s hilarious that it never occurred to me to use the techniques that have yielded gold in every other area of my life. I guess it really is true – you’ll do it when you are really ready.
Still, I find myself with this collage of thoughts that follows me around. I don’t eat compulsively like I did when I was a kid. Anorexia at 13 took care of that neurotic behavior. I asked for a way to quit eating so much and that was the answer – complete control. It would take me many, many more human experiments to get to a place of not thinking about food compulsively although I can still tell you the calorie count of pretty much any food. I have forgotten all of these weight trials and tribulations over the years. I do forget how much I have experienced – how much knowledge I’ve used successfully – and not. To me, life is a great adventure – one experiment after another in what is possible.
Here’s what I know as of today…
1. Three weeks – the number of days I can get myself to do anything by force. Some weight loss things I’ve tried successfully for three weeks straight: Master Cleanse, name the diet, fasting, running, walking, weight training, cycling.
2. When the layers of adipose (what a fancy word for fat) peel off, get ready for the energy stored inside. I’ve already been experiencing this and since I’m not distracted by my compulsions with a scale, a workout, and food, I’m getting to observe them. It’s funny what I’ve stored: Compliments “you’ve helped me so much”, offhand remarks “what are you doing now?”, fears “maybe no one cares about what I think is so important”, anxiety “I get bored too easily”, desires “I want more adventure”, Truth “I love myself”, loss of a baby “I never did take time to mourn this life” and a whole bunch of feeling like I didn’t deserve what was given to me “my life is always so much easier than other people’s – why?”. Fascinating – better than reading a book!
3. I am amazed at what five pounds has done already to (for?) me. I feel more creative just by allowing myself to fully feel emotion again. For the longest time I kept saying, But I DO listen to my body! As an intuitive, how can you not? What I have discovered the last couple of weeks is that what I wasn’t listening to was my emotional body. The last year, as I’ve been working with clients I’ve said I’m hungry for meaningful conversations, I’m craving community, I’m living to hear women’s stories of what they hope for, what they desire, what their dreams are. I understood this is what I wanted too. Story is the language of the emotional plane. I still think it is so funny how something can be hidden in plain sight.
4. I am eating whatever I want. I find it fascinating what my body wants. Avocados and olives jumped out the last two days. Celery (which I thought I didn’t like) and carrots have made an appearance. Eggs…I can’t seem to eat enough eggs. And, I don’t want any chicken, which is ironic because on every other diet, that is what I would have consumed mass quantities of. I noticed yesterday how grateful I felt for the avocado in my hand. The energy emanating from it felt so happy. I had thoughts of making up a basket of these green babies and throwing in a garlic clove and some salsa and chips. I could see her with her hubby by the pool, drinking margaritas and eating homemade guac.
5. When a sensitive person doesn’t take care of her needs, her body can only take care of those for so long. Luckily for me, I’m SO sensitive in my body that I can’t ‘hold’ much without it coming out. This is probably why I’ve been so healthy despite my ample girth. I just can’t hold stuff in; I feel too sick. Last week, anger made an appearance. I thought it was fascinating that people think I don’t get angry. It’s true, it doesn’t happen very often, but I am human and I’m so a work in progress. And, yes, I do have to keep reminding myself…I’ve done more than my fair share of experiments on myself. Allowing the emotions to teach me is an interesting, roller coaster of a ride.
6. I’m going to make it this time. I know it and I can feel it. I only have these compulsive ‘hurry up’ thoughts once every four or five days. They sound like, “Can I get there by my birthday?” or “Can I do this in three months?” When I hear a thought like that, I just smile and say… “I’m ready in whatever time is right for me.”
7. Journaling or some type of expression is really important. I had no idea why I was being guided to write. I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel like it. I put it off. Then, as usual, I had a meeting with a client who was a perfect mirror. Okay, I’ll write I agreed. What I found when I came to the page was it was time for more acknowledgment of myself. I found when I came here that I actually do write – a lot – in my head. All the time I see things and catalog them for later use. I’ve done this my whole life. I just didn’t know why. I catalog the silliest things – authors I like and who publishes them, funny ways people say things, the colors I see that others don’t see – a glint on the hood of a car that looks like the moon in broad daylight. The journaling showed me why I feel I have books and books and books inside of me – a bookcase full. It also showed me why I have so much ‘energy’ stored in my cells – I’m a walking, talking catalog of unwritten writing! Your type of expression may be singing, songwriting, art (I’ve been doing a lot more of this too), creating programs, gardening, and it just might also be…writing.
Thanks for your emails everyone…as promised, here’s what I’m doing (and an update later in this post).
As mentioned in previous posts, I vowed to do ‘weight loss’ from the inside out this time – just like I do everything else! WOW, what a revolution. And, here’s my V-8 moment, too! LOL
Step 1 – Make a decision to achieve your personal best level of fitness. Do not pass go and try to collect $200 until you make a REAL decision to shift your body and your health. A true decision leads to a commitment of changing at a core level. You are either ready or you aren’t. Wait until you are READY and then make a TRUE DECISION.
Step 2 – Envision yourself in your new body. For me, I used to be a top athlete (tennis player), so I know what it feels like to feel strong in my body and to be very fit. However, whether you have been fit or not, you can ask your body to give you an image that is ‘true’ for you. For example, my vision now is not the same as it was before when I was an athlete. When I was fit before, it was just another compulsion I used to ‘handle’ myself, so I wasn’t overly healthy. Instead, this time when I close my eyes and envision myself, I see myself doing cartwheels in our current backyard (I suppose in areas where Rico hasn’t left pony-sized poops!). I also see myself jumping on the trampoline and doing a toe touch split in the air. I see myself at a healthy weight in my backyard and I am finger-walking with a baby…I have a friend who is due in a few months – perhaps it is her baby. I can see my legs behind this baby and they are athletic and muscular – just like I’ve seen them be before.
Step 3 – Unite with the feeling of your image. If you’ve been fit before, you know what this feels like, but it isn’t necessary to go back and retrieve that actual feeling. You can ask your body to show you the feeling of your optimal health. You might picture yourself fit and then tune into how your body feels. Don’t try to force anything, just allow yourself to feel what you feel. You can do this. There’s no right or wrong way. Once you have this feeling, anchor that feeling with a particular sense in your body. Just ask your body to give you a ‘feeling’ or ‘sensation’ that tells you when you are in that feeling of being healthy and fit. It might be a tingling in your feet or a buzzing in your head. Notice it and then say this to yourself…when I feel this, I will tune into my body and be grateful for how healthy and strong I am.
Step 4 – Put your body on paper. You can do this in whatever way you want to. You could journal a story about what you’ve been through and allow your body to write to you. You could create a visual journal of photos that appeal to what your healthy body looks like. You could even write a letter to yourself from the perspective of what it feels like to be healthy. Be generous with yourself and spend some time on this. You only want to spend time here once – at the beginning of your journey. There’s no telling what your body might express to you. Please don’t judge yourself… this is a place where you can purge what may be holding the pounds to you.
Step 5 – Each morning and each night, visit your vision and the feeling. See what other visions come to you when you do this. I had a new pair of pants come one morning to talk about what kind of material would work best for me. I also had an image makeover person visit me in my dreams. He kept saying I needed to put more bling in my wardrobe! I am looking forward to that very much.
Step 6 – Pay attention to any urges you have. What we have just done is load up your unconscious with a ‘to do’ list and a vision of health. Since you aren’t relying on the conscious part of you, there’s no diet to deal with, exercise regimens to master. Now, it is just you and you and whatever your body brings to you that it wants. Be sure to honor it and go with it. You will find that you NATURALLY start acting in rhythm with yourself. You will reach for foods that are good for you and in alignment with your vision. You might feel a pull to move more or to do some projects you’ve been putting off. TRUST YOURSELF and the process – your body is wise and so are you.
Step 7 – Enjoy the ride. Dairy Queen is having Blizzards buy one, get one for only 25 cents. If you want a Blizzard, then have one. If you don’t, skip it. Enjoy your newfound freedom!
That’s it. Send me your results … I’m writing my new book about this process now as I chronicle my own results. Would love to share your results too!
Now an Update…
I put on my jeans for the first time since I started, and they were not even tight. After wearing them for a couple of hours, they are so baggy on my legs it isn’t even funny. I put on one of my linen jackets and it more than closed and is looser than before. Oh, and my bra is even riding up and gaping (kind of embarrasing when you are out networking and someone notices!)…it’s getting too big. I plan to measure and weigh myself, so will share those results in about a month. I certainly don’t want to be compulsive!
Alrighty, let’s get into the details of this life experiment #45873.
Just kidding. I know I am part researcher by nature, so I love to do experiments all over the place. Why not do one for easy weight loss?
So, let’s just dive into some starting details.
1. I am not one of these people who hates themselves when they are out of shape or overweight. I actually have the opposite issue… inside of me, I feel amazingly attractive and people tell me all the time how beautiful I am (which I feel comes from inside), so when I get a photo where I realize I really do need to lose some extra pounds, it is almost weird because that isn’t how I feel.
2. #1 presents a big challenge because I have to remind myself to think of myself in a different way. And, it also points to the fact that somewhere, lurking way underneath the surface, there’s a hidden image that keeps me where I am.
3. I’ve dealt with my weight… excess or otherwise (I’ve also been anorexic)… ever since I was a little kid who was a bit ‘thick’ for my build. Now, with my own son, I can see – literally – that we are just thick people. That’s how God made us. We will never be a thin build, and that’s okay.
4. I had an epiphany a couple of weeks ago as I worked with a client. I stated very matter of factly that creation works extremely predictably. As I said it, I could feel this energy underneath focused like a laser beam on the words as they tumbled out of my mouth. Wow. Okay, let’s do this! I use these principles for everything else…why not for health? And, that’s when I realized that weight loss is the ONLY thing I go OUTSIDE of MYSELF for an answer. This is a long-standing pattern.
5. #4 tells me WHY even my rising at pre-dawn really wasn’t moving the needle on the scale. I made a DECISION back in December to lose this 80 lbs. (third time is the charm!) for the LAST time in MY WAY. I said to myself, “Self… we won’t be coming back here. This is the last time. We’ll do it our way and it will be our way for life.”
6. Here, we are.. on a precipice for a new dawn. Using creation tools for weight loss. I’ve tried everything else… isn’t this cool to be able to actually use my teachings to transform my body, too??? Whoa, I’m having a forest for the trees moment.
7. SO grateful, though! Really…
This is me in Hawaii … fit and active… and healthy and happy. Well, maybe a wee bit thicker, but still fit and active…and healthy and happy!
How People Find Us.