Over the years, I have often wondered why one person can heal almost instantly and miraculously while another one gets an instant benefit and then lapses back into dis-ease. My questions have yielded various answers from not maintaining the ‘vibration’ of wholeness to ‘reaching back into dis-ease’ with one’s thoughts. They are essentially the same thing, but I realize that some people seem to have a mindset that naturally looks for what is wrong while others naturally have a set point toward what is possible.

In my quest to unravel the riddle of all humanity, I have wondered if people can change. And, if they truly can, then is this most beneficial? I wonder if we are meant to just ride the rail of whatever we are or are we supposed to move and evolve.

What I’ve observed over a lifetime is that we can never get away from what we are. What we are, though, is constantly changing, flexing with our reactions to our experience. But, in this, there is a constant…the soul is always what it is and never deviates from what it is and how it expresses. This is the highest and best inside of us, and it is always guiding us like a light within.

I see soul gifts that reflect the being’s soul wisdom, and this wisdom is always seeking to serve. No matter how closed off the person is, this energy is seeking its expression.

The rest, I believe, is up for change. We, as humans, are some of the most unevolved creatures with the most amazing ability to adapt. We could evolve quickly and yet if we remain trapped in our humanness, we seemingly evolve at a snail’s pace.

As humans, we have one function that allows us to rise above. It is our ability to consciously connect to divine…higher consciousness. We can literally bypass the smallest part of us and choose to go beyond; we may choose to expand into all that is and all that we already are.

This is such a comforting thought…to realize that if you believe you can, you can. With a simple shift in focus, a change in thought, we can literally make giant leaps in consciousness.

Dare to believe and think you can!

To describe the sheer effort it required to wake every day, to shower, to ‘do life’ leaves me with one analogy. Walking through mud – up to my shoulders – and trying like mad to feel light, positive and happy. It seemed a futile attempt each day, but I did my best.

Work has always been a haven for me. I enjoy working. I enjoy serving others. In fact, my workaholic tendencies make work a place to escape into. I found that if I focused on working, I could lose myself – whatever that was at the time. I didn’t know any more. I felt like a walking shell…a corpse.

During this time, as bad as I was, there were others who were even worse. I ended up working with them and helping them to reconnect to themselves. And, yet, as I saw one by one many of them return to themselves, their passion, their desire to serve, I held on to my own ego nature insisting I could figure a way out.

To lose ones Self so completely to be holding on by a thread is not something I would wish on anyone, and yet it is in this tenuous place…so fragile…that you find that you are truly never, ever alone. Oh, yes, I knew in my mind I was not alone, but in my heart…to know it completely and utterly, that is another thing all together.

I held on to the world’s structures for dear life. My ego very invested in my ability to earn – and earn others – a lot. It seemed that from my early 20s, when I first felt the sting of being judged by my credit score. Back then, I had no credit cards because my depression-era grandmother believed they were evil. I had moved out of an apartment and another roommate moved in with my former roommate. The new tenant was supposed to put her name on the lease. The truth is, I did get a nudge to go over there and ensure it happened, but I didn’t listen. Sure enough, the two girls left the last month unpaid. My shair? $200. Back then, $200 was a LOT of money. I didn’t know about credit scores, but I did know about being rejected due to that one thing on my credit report. I learned everything I could about resolving money matters – always seemingly learning everything the hard way.

So, here I was nearly two decades later, holding on to dear life to the credit score that had halted my life so early on.

It took everything inside of me to let go of my nature…the girl who believes anything is possible.

When I finally did let go, my credit score plummeted 500+ points within 30 days. I felt devastated. Beyond the failure of the conference, I felt worthless knowing I would be judged harshly because of my credit score. All of the years of working hard, of paying off debts, of buying houses, buying cars, were all down the drain in one fell swoop. It would literally be years later before I could face the papers showing the demarcation on my credit score.

Around that same time, I felt pulled to meet a woman I had heard about. God had told her to hold a ‘free’ conference. Free was a price I could afford. I trekked to Idaho Falls to meet this woman, following my own guidance. My perspective up to that time, had always been about service to others. I always seemed to believe I was fine, ready to assist, help or support another.

I went thinking I was there to learn something to serve others. I found my own heart healing in each conversation. At one point, this woman walked straight over to me and took my hand in hers and said, “Do you want to know unconditional love?” In my mind, I thought I already do. But I said, “Yes.” She prayed and though I did not feel anything – literally still numb – from years in my funkadelic state, I wished to be myself again.

The last day, this woman’s husband took us on a journey. In my journey, I saw four animals that turned themselves into sticks. These sticks then formed a point, resting on each other, similar to how you arrange sticks for a fire. As these sticks burst into flames, I saw these beetles crossing and flying up to the sky. and from the flame, I saw a phoenix fly from the fire.

When I asked the man what this was, he said, “Have you had any major changes in your life?” And I reflected on the ashes, the devastation. And I responded, “Yes, but I certainly don’t see anything new.”

He said, “Big changes coming your way. Expect it.”

And, in my heart I could feel the truth of this, and yet in my mind, which was completely in control of my life at that point, it could not ‘see’ or ‘make sense’ of any of this, and so I would press on thinking that somehow something ‘big’ was going to happen. When months went by with nothing, I fell fully back into the numbness.

And, with all of this. All of the magic that allowed me to go there and to pay very little. I still could not see the invisible hand guiding me. Though I had let go of my credit score, I still held on with all of my might to ‘figuring out’ a solution…in the smallness of my mind. The part of me least equipped to help me.

Looking for a Dream Life:

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So, the last week or so I’ve been meeting many Earth Angels and enjoying getting to know new people. Truly astonishing that our paths would cross on so many of these individuals… paths that trekked from the East Coast down to Te-jas and from the West Coast here and I find myself in awe of an imaginary map in my mind with little black ant lines criss-crossing it.

As I’ve talked to each beautiful soul, full of gratitude that God brought us together, I’ve felt lighter and lighter. A certain… I’m really going to let go and just be me. Yes, I’m very much myself in most scenarios, but often we empaths can be caught in an energetic pinball game. I’ve noticed this on occasion, and realize I can choose. This may push against the energies of the other person… but does it really make it better for me to take it on than to show up fully in my own Presence? Won’t it all work out in the end?

Me thinks so. And that’s why I’m a Be Me… full tilt.

And that brings me to social media… ah, how I love the idea of it. I have lots of ideas on how to really do it well. But, for now… I’m a be me and that means today I’m not the best at it, but can intend to be better… tomorrow, the day after and the day after that.

Upward and onward!

Last week a client and I talked excitedly about all she is creating in her life. She would say one thing, I would say another, then we would laugh and talk even faster. It was as if we couldn’t talk fast enough.

At one point we paused to catch our breath, and the conversation turned to ‘new’ things – things she had not ‘mastered.’ As she began to say, “Well, I’m not that great at that yet.” She must have hit the phone key pad, and heard the operator say, “Your entry is not valid.”

Startled by the woman’s voice coming over the line, she said, “What was I just saying? Wow, that was weird. Was that the Universe’s response to what I just said?”

After such a long conversation about trusting, following, knowing all is well, the contrast was palpable. We laughed as I said, “Yep, you were saying something about not being that great at it yet… and, YOUR ENTRY IS NOT VALID.”

She said, “What a great reminder – I’m always great – and ready!”

What entry in your life isn’t valid?