Queen of Dreams Radio
Archive for the ‘World We Live In’ Category
For more than a couple of months now, I’ve had this sparkly, surreal feeling while being in my house. I notice it most when I walk down the stairs. I feel as if I am extremely lucky to be living my life. I get the feeling of being inside of a dream…that I live in my dream home. I find that I look over to my office as I leave the stairs and I like what I see. I see the berry pink walls and the glitter, paints and my guitar on the wall. Then, I walk through to the downstairs living room and feel as if I am so lucky to be here.
A month or so ago, I walked down the stairs (feeling this way) and I walked through the living room to the kitchen. I could see the christmas lights twinkling through the living room window. The holly bushes that surround the back side of our pool are covered with small, white Christmas lights. Last year, after years of desiring that sparkle, I placed each strand on the tall bushes. Yet, on this evening, the lights meant that Chance and Mark were in the pool. I walked to the kitchen, feeling my feet against the tile floor and noticed that everything just seemed brighter, somehow richer. I felt drawn to the back door, so I pushed it open and walked out to the pool to watch them. Chance was screaming and carrying on…something I usually hear from inside. I felt happy inside – extremely happy. He and Mark were playing and I could see their pale bodies illuminated next to the pool light. Again, I noticed how everything seemed brighter somehow. The lights were brighter. The pool light was aglow.
I walked inside and started to go back upstairs. I had the distinct feeling of knowing I had created this experience. In that moment, the memory of how this house came to be came to mind. We were looking for a new house. We had an idea of how much we were willing to spend. This house was nearly $30,000 more than that. We had passed on it after the homeowner said he would not budge on the price. We kept looking. House after house made this one seem that much more appealing. I had felt when the homeowner initially said no it was because he had a date in mind when he would lower the price. We knew it was overpriced for the neighborhood. As we continued to look at other houses, I kept feeling that Mark really liked this house. I wanted him to have what he wanted. The last house was my idea.
Finally, one day, all of this built to a climax. While we were looking at another house, a messenger said to me, “If you want that other house, you must go now. There’s another couple coming and they are willing to pay full price.” I turned to our realtor and told her we wanted to go look at this house once more. As we stood in the kitchen that afternoon, I knew what number had to be on the paper for the owner (the husband) to say yes. We worked the numbers so that they worked for us and also showed him the number he must have said he ‘had’ to have before he could say yes. I asked Mark once again, “You are sure this is the house you like?” I had felt that this could be Mark’s turn to choose. I liked the house, I just didn’t care for the living room/kitchen area downstairs…it was galley style. A lifetime of living in apartments had left me not liking galley style areas. But, like Mark, I loved the yard and I loved the upstairs. Mark agreed. We turned in the paperwork, and the offer was accepted. Three days later, just as the messenger warned, another couple from out of state arrived and fell in love with the house (we were still in the option period). They were willing to pay full price – above market value.
This feeling of being ‘lucky’ – a word I prefer to fortunate, for some reason. It has a magical quality, this feeling and the word, a feeling of safety and security. I feel as if I navigate in this energy and it is here to remind me that creation is always available…just like it was when we created this house – our home.
The surreal feeling continues and the incidences keep coming to match this feeling. Wonderful synchronicities, amazing connections and I do feel as if I have entered a surreal existence – one where anything is effortlessly possible. I am so grateful! This is a whole new level of possibility for me… I’ve always felt anything is possible. This is an effortless feeling – beyond anything I’ve felt before.
And, perhaps, the joy this brings is why I so want others to experience it, too. I can’t wait to share my latest book with you.
Looking for a Dream Life:
My mom is moving to the hill country just outside of Austin. She has had this dream in her heart for a VERY long time.
I’m excited for my mom. She has never had a dream house since I was in 6th grade, and even when she had that one, she was working all the time to try to pay for it so it doesn’t even really count.
This new house is so ‘her.’ She has always wanted to live in the Hill Country, which for those of you who don’t know, is down near Austin, Texas. She is totally going to LOVE being down there with all of those artists (she’s an artist – an amazing one who really has a divine connection where she just downloads tons of ideas).
What I love most, though, is that a couple of years ago, we talked about her dream of a new house. One never knows why someone has a dream. And, the truth is, you don’t need to defend your dream – your desire for it is enough. At that time, she was willing to write down her ‘wish’ and to put down on paper what she desired. However, like many people, she didn’t step into it. Instead, the dream simmered on the back burner.
When I went to her house this past February, that simmer had worked into a rolling boil. She was frustrated (a good sign that it’s time to make a decision) and she wanted more. She was tired of fixing things on her old house. She wanted her studio to have various comforts. As we harnessed the energy of creation, I asked her again, “What do you want?” She said she wanted a house that was conducive to having family over and having more get togethers. She wanted to get together and celebrate more often. For years, she has been so embarrassed about her house (she lives in a single-wide mobile home out in the country that has essentially been completely rebuilt inside – my stepdad is a master carpenter – and there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with a single-wide, it’s just that that house is not my mother’s dream house). Yes, it’s small, but we could all fit. Yes, it needs some repair, but the food is good and the company is even better. Like many people, she often would let her frustration about what she wanted to create overshadow the reality.
November 2010 must have been the beginning of my mom starting to let go. She decided that she WOULD have everyone over for Thanksgiving – despite the cramped quarters. She had been putting it off for years! We invited some friends, a couple who we knew would be non-judgmental and loving, who didn’t have plans for Thanksgiving. When I told my mom our friends would be coming, too, I could feel her grimace, and then right behind it, I could feel her letting go. I guess she figured if I had invited them, then it would be okay. If anyone knew what her house looked like, it was me!
At Thanksgiving, we arrived, and I could feel my mom was overwhelmed. I helped get everything organized and the dinner went off without a hitch. My mom has a heart of gold. She is super creative and always has all kinds of creative ideas of what she would like to do. I just wish she could relax and see that we all love her and that she is a hoot and so much fun! I believe it was after that Thanksgiving that she realized life is too short to be worried about dust and whatnot. Fourteen of us were cram-jammed into that little space, laughing and talking, and it was just fine. It was actually BETTER than fine. It was the FIRST Thanksgiving my mother has ever had for all of us and I am 43, my brother is 40, and my step-brothers are 40 and 39!!! They have lived in the same little single-wide mobile home for 23 years.
I truly believe that her letting go of what she didn’t want to see opened spaced for what she could receive in. In February, I asked her, “Are you WILLING to decide that you will have what you desire, understanding that you don’t have to figure out how it will happen?” She looked at me suspiciously, and then gave in (yes, I can be VERY persuasive!) and said, “Yes, I’m willing.”
After 23 years, they have purchased my mother’s dream home – a house in the Texas hill country, complete with hardwoods (she has always wanted hardwoods) and a three-tier deck in the back for plenty of bar-b-que cookouts and family gatherings.
This move, even with its added responsibility (my step dad’s mother has moved in with them), is a miracle. Plus, my stepbrother and his wife, who is a nurse and who works with the elderly like my step dad’s mother (who will also be going with them), is 10 minutes away and can step in to help my mom. Everything lined up like a magical story that only happens in Hallmark movies. I am SO happy for my mom! 
When my mom was over last week, she told me that she had written down a list of things she wanted in a new house two years ago when I told her to start dreaming and that if she didn’t believe in her dream, who would? She said this house has everything she had on her list. But, it wasn’t until she really allowed herself to ‘decide’ she could have it that everything aligned for this to happen. The full story is quite amazing… and such a testimony to creative spirit!
My mother would have NEVER dreamed that she would be having the experience she is having. She couldn’t… she literally couldn’t see how anything was possible since she always thought she had to do everything herself!
I have so many stories like this… amazing, miracle stories of creation and faith. I often say that it costs nothing to ‘make a true decision’… you can literally make a decision for nothing and get so much more than you can imagine. God is more generous in the giving than we often are in the asking or the receiving…allow that magic to flow!
About a year and three months ago, Mark and I went out to visit Dusty Rose (a.k.a. Mom). I had plans to take pictures and to help her set up her blog. This would be a surprise for her – my idea since I had signed up for a blog challenge and she had ‘wished’ she could, but she didn’t have a blog.
Like I had planned, I ran around and took photos. We went through a few thousand (or so it felt) WordPress themes, and finally found one she liked. With the blog set up, we started to write her ‘about’ page or her ‘bio.’ I traveled back in my mind to figure out the timeline… she moved out there when I had just graduated high school. My brother and step-brothers graduated from high school there. I estimated that she had been living her dream for about 24 years. I began writing her bio… “For more than two decades Dusty Rose has been living her country-fied dream of being an artist.” I finished the bio and gave it to my mother to read and edit.
She looked at it, and said (very matter of fact way), “I haven’t been doing my art that long.” I just looked at her like, “Mmmm, well, yes you have.” She said, “No, I haven’t.” And, I was like, “Remember, you lived out her and you worked for the state, and then after about five years of driving 120+ miles per day, you quit and started doing your art full-time?” It was odd to be arguing a timeline with the person who was supposed to have lived that timeline. She looked at my suspiciously, but then I started matching my own timeline to hers… I was married and then I was divorced (after nearly 8 years), single for four, and I’ve been married to Mark for 10, so… well, that’s more than 20 years!
She couldn’t believe it. She literally, in her mind, thought it had been about 10 years. Where does the time go?
And, that’s how our lives go. We dream. We create the dream. We live in the dream. Sometimes we forget to dream more – even when our world doesn’t really feel like a dream anymore.
I began to talk about how I remembered that her dream at the time was to quit her job and do her art full-time. She had, in fact, been living the dream for TWO decades! I began to say to her, “Mom, you are living the dream that you so desired many years ago. You are living the dream that MANY artists DREAM of… living out in the country, free to create as you wish, a full studio full of all kinds of art supplies, a big resource stash of reclaimed wood and metal at your disposal and a partner (my step dad) who can help you create anything!”
She nodded, but I could tell that she didn’t feel like this life was a dream.
I added, “Mom, if you don’t feel lucky to be living the life you are currently living, that just means you have an invitation to upgrade the dream. It’s time to dream a new dream.”
She listened, but I could tell she wasn’t sure that was really possible – perhaps, or even true.
All of this happened mid June 2010.
In late January of this year, I awoke to the idea to give my mom my treasured computer armoire. I called her and let her know I was ready to give it to her. The thing about my connection with my mother is that I’m extremely sensitive to her desires. If she needs help, I wake up feeling inspired to go help her. If she wants a new computer armoire, I wake up wanting to give her mine. This time, with the armoire, I could feel that she was ready for her own space. She had desires to have her OWN computer, her OWN desk and a yearning to have her OWN personal space. I see how easily my mom creates what she wants. I’ve always seen it – beyond the feelings of limitations, beyond the beliefs – and mostly because I’m usually part of the magnetic pull of her desires! A couple of months earlier she had said she would ‘pay’ me for my armoire if I was ready to get rid of it. I didn’t want her to pay me…at the same time, I wasn’t ready to let it go. About the same time she asked about the armoire, my step dad pulled Mark and me aside because he wanted to buy her a laptop and surprise her. Yes, her desires for personal space (she had been sharing a computer and desk with my step dad) were brewing.
Note… SHE did not go buy her computer, SHE did not go buy an armoire, SHE did not get someone to get her computer ready with all of the programs she needed. SHE did nothing but decide she wanted these things. The rest of us scurried around in the magnetic pull of her desire.
I believe that our conversation from June had been percolating… if you aren’t living your dream life, then what are you living?
When we arrived to deliver the armoire in February, we arrived to see my mom worked up. Not in a big way, but more in a way that was boiling under the surface. I walked right into the energy. I certainly wasn’t paying attention. All of a sudden, I took it all on. The anger. The frustration. The irritation. I began acting it out. Now, here’s the rub. I had been feeling similarly. Mark and I had had a long conversation on the way out to drop off the armoire. I was an energetic match.
Mark went to the store to get something. My step dad went to play Farmville. Mom and I headed out to her shop. I began to pay attention to what was bubbling up. I noticed a pattern in her that I also felt in me. It smacked of “I can’t because he wants something different from what I want.” I felt it with Mark. She felt it with her husband. I suggested four or five things, and every time she said, “I’ve been waiting on him to do it.” Soon, I could feel and notice the patterns. I was running the same patterns with my husband! Ack!
I harnessed the anger, the frustration, the irritation and declared, “Mom, if we aren’t living the lives of our dreams, then there’s only one reason… because we have not decided to! Let’s do it NOW – time to DECIDE!” I realized I had been holding myself back and making Mark my scapegoat. I saw the same in my mom. I had seen my step dad as someone who has always done what he could to give my mother what she desires. Same with Mark. He would do anything for me. What both she and I were bumping up against were our strong husbands who believe THEY know the best way for us to have what we desire. It wasn’t that they were trying to keep us from having what we want, it’s just that their way, their approach doesn’t necessarily feel good to us. We are both so sensitive, we tend to let things go instead of speaking up. We tend to dismiss, let go of things instead of making a big deal about it. However, in the process, we were mistaking this for ‘we can’t.’
Wow – what a HUGE a-ha! I knew it was time to shift this ancestral heritage. I knew I didn’t want to live this way anymore!
There we were sitting across from each other in my mother’s art studio. I started asking her, “Mom, what do you really, really want? No limits… what do you want?” As she spoke, I began to listen energetically…asking new questions as they came to me. Soon, she had her manifestation set. She was complete.
I’ll share tomorrow what has happened since then. It’s a GREAT story… I LOVE creation!
Today, as I sat outside reading a book that is three days overdue, I enjoyed the sounds all around me. Mr. Squirrel who is busy choosing acorns for his stash. The sounds of the waterfall from the pool. The birds chirping from the bush nearby. A steady hum of cars driving by at rush hour.
The stillness felt so good. The early fall temps equally as wonderful.
As I read my book, I reflected on the sidelines of my mind how my story has been so similar to the author’s. Experiences of talking to my inner child. Falling into my heart one night upon closing my eyes. A deep recognition of my inner wise woman, my moon maiden and mother. So many experiences I wonder how I would share all of this…and then right behind that wondering, the wondering of … is it even necessary to share?
The one that most speaks to me to share is entering the heart. As, this is where your desires, your connection to all is readily available.
One night, as I began to close my eyes, I suddenly found myself in a room (more like a large-ish closet) full of books. The books were not arranged on shelves like you might find in an organized and proper library, rather, they were in a heap in the middle of the floor!
I wondered, Where am I?
I heard, “Your heart.”
Oooooh, I need to do some MAJOR housekeeping! I became more concerned about the state of affairs in my heart than I was in the actual contents.
Many months later, I returned with more courage to actually look around and see what was available for me there. When I arrived this time, I saw an old-fashioned writing desk sitting in front of a bay window (kind of like the picture below, except the desk was much wider – taking up nearly the entire width of the small room). The light streaming through the bay window gave the room a glow of healthy creativity. I looked around and saw books on bookshelves, which flanked the room.
Well, at least they are more organized now! I wonder who did that? As the thought flowed through my mind, the memory of journaling one morning came to me. I had outlined 12 books that would be in nine different categories. Ah, I had organized my thoughts and my creations that morning – without even realizing it!
With the extra courage I brought for this journey, I had not a hope to be able to summon the boldness to read the books on the shelves…their spines glimmering from the gold letters etched in the leather. Deficient of this, I walked to the writing table where I saw many writing instruments. A ballpoint pen. A sharpened feather with ink well. A calligrapher’s set. A leather writing pad covered nearly the entire surface. I looked out the window, perhaps to escape the invitation, and saw wooded acreage stretched as far as I could see.
Where am I? I wondered.
Again, the answer, “In your heart.”
Why has my heart brought me here?
“To write.”
That seemed obvious, but had I made the conscious choice to do so? It didn’t seem like it. I certainly wasn’t acting like it. I had not even cracked my journal for weeks prior to this. And, though, I liked the idea of writing, I didn’t want to sit and actually do the writing. And, while I was curious which books lined the shelves, I certainly did not have the fortitude to go and read the creative works that my heart held.
Instead, I took a gift. The knowing that whatever we hold in our heart is ours to create – ours to choose to create. When, again our choice.
I drifted off to sleep without writing nor sneaking a peek of what was to come.
So many months later, I am back in my heart. This time to write… and ready to create it. 
What’s in your heart? Do you dare to sneak a peek?
Looking for a Dream Life:
Last night I stayed up particularly late reading – 4:30 am late. Rico kept getting up and walking over to me and putting his massive head on my leg and whimpering. I felt for him. I certainly KNEW what he wanted.
Before I get into it his Christmas present, let me just say that dogs REALLY DO live in the PRESENT. I mean, he has been banned from snuggling on the couch since he began to get MASSIVE. I mean 140 lbs. – no problem, 175 – no problem, 180 – no problem. But tipping 200 lbs.? BIG PROBLEM with Italian leather!!! Which is the only reason we allowed him on the couch in the first place – it can be vacuumed easily and also CLEANED each day! But I digress. So, a couple of weeks ago, I was up late with him and I could tell he didn’t feel well. I cupped my hands around the side of his head and began to send some healing energy to him. I could FEEL he wanted to snuggle. And, in a moment of not really *THINKING* about what I was DOING, I patted the spot next to me on the couch and up he jumped. Within minutes, he had his nose shoved up against my thigh and was snoring away.
Of course, I’m not thinking about this as anything out of the ordinary. He’s been banned for more than a year now, so why would I think anything has changed? But, boy, did HE think something had changed! He began to ‘talk’ to us while WE were sitting on the couch! You know, his couch since I let him up ONE time! And, for those of you who don’t know what mastiffs do when they ‘talk’… well, let’s put it this way – they are LOUD and they do this growl, bark, whine thing all at once. They shake their head like they know EXACTLY what they are saying and WHY you should be listening to them. RICO, in particular, will throw in some down dogs and a few twirls to get his message across as he keeps looking at what he wants! In this case – THE COUCH!
I talk back to him like he’s a human. I tell him, “Oh no. You are not getting up here.” Logically, I know he senses the energy of NO more than he understands the words, but I still like to put the words with the energy.
For weeks now he’s been doing this, until LAST NIGHT, he looked SO PATHETIC that I almost – almost – could not resist him. In that moment, I wondered, What could I get for him that would make him more comfortable? I mean, I know it can’t be that comfortable to be over 200 lbs. sitting on the floor – he normally likes to sit on the hardwoods, probably because they are cool, but I have no idea.
Alright, one more story and I’ll get to the CUTEST, MOST ADORABLE , MOST EARTH CONSCIOUS doggie duvets!
Amidst these last couple of weeks, I mentioned Rico to Nana (Mark’s mom who lives with us), and said something to her about how I can tell how DEEPLY he sleeps when he’s on the couch. I wondered if it is because he can put his head on the pillow tops at the end of the couch or if it is because these couches are slightly tilted to the back, which means that they are like a little cockpit and for Rico that would mean his girth would be tilted to the back where he could relax and have no weight on his legs. I had mused about buying another couch and giving him one of our current couches in the den (he is more than 7 feet tall length-wise, so he takes up the entire six-foot couch when he ‘naps’ and isn’t curled into a ball. Then, she told me that one morning she woke to Mark’s computer alarm blaring – WONK*WONK*WONK. When she came in to the den to turn it off she found Rico snoring (yes, they snore and sometimes VERY LOUDLY) away and he didn’t even MOVE or open his eyes as she walked in to the room! That is some GOOD sleep. I knew it!
Okay, back to last night. I’m sitting here reading a book on Kindle and he’s whining. He wants up next to me. No doubt he wants some GOOD sleep, too. I’m wondering… what can I make for him? He outgrew regular doggie beds by the time he was 9 months old, so I had not even considered one in forever. Plus, I was thinking about the mess they end up being. We vacuum every day, but doggie beds… ew! There’s really no way to wash them. You just have to keep throwing them away – what a waste. That’s when the thought hits me – I need a DOGGIE DUVET! I need one the size of about three king-sized pillows next to each other. I can use the king pillows I’m about to throw out because they’ve gotten too flat – we have six of them. I am thinking, WOW, THIS IS A BRILLIANT IDEA, TINA! 
I think about how he likes to prop his head up on the pillow top at the end of the couch, and I think… WOW, IT WOULD BE GREAT IF HE COULD HAVE A PILLOW SOMEHOW. I am so amazed at how BRILLIANT this idea is I email my mother IMMEDIATELY to see if she can make my BRILLIANT creation. LOL But then, wait, what’s this? The idea that maybe… just maybe… someone else may have already done it? I log on to the web, and VOILA (sound the choirs and angels now, please)… someone HAS created what I’ve just envisioned as the PERFECT answer for our little Rico (well, not so little, but he’s still my baby).
Now, get this. She also has made the PILLOW!!! BONUS! So excited! TOOOO CUTE. I may have to get this for him right away and not even wait until Christmas because… really, life is too short to be uncomfortable, wouldn’t you agree? Does your pooch need one of these? Easy to fill… easy to wash?
I love that these are designed with the earth in mind! And, GOD BLESS her for making the size ‘HUGE’ for big boys like Rico!
