Queen of Dreams Radio
Archive for the ‘ON Mission’ Category
Last night Ellany Cevan joined me for Queen of Dreams Radio. We laughed so hard, and had a great time talking about stepping into dreams.
This morning I woke up thinking about last weekend when Ellany and Brandon, her husband, were over. We had been laughing SO HARD thinking about how we all used to dress. We walked back in time to high school and talked about wearing Guess Jeans, M&B, whatever was ‘hot’ at the time. Ellany and I had shared a stint of “Madonna” and had hit the bangle bracelets and bows in our hair. Oh, and before that, remember Olivia Newton John, “Let’s Get Physical”? Oh my, I had just become an athlete and was totally strutting around school with a headband (matching my sweats and shirt, of course!) Then, later I was off to be a preppy, sporty tennis player honor roll girl – ala Square Pegs, if you will.
Mark said I looked like a Go-Go girl, and Brandon, who is much younger than the rest of us, said, “What’s that?” We all cracked up laughing – I mean, seriously laughing so hard that my sides ached. Okay, yes, I did get pulled into the Belinda Carlisle look for a bit, but that’s kind of what I already looked like anyway! 
After about an hour of telling story after story of the fashion faux pas, the fashions we would rather not remember and how ‘cool for school’ we all thought we were, we had tears rolling down our faces because of laughing so hard.
I am so grateful for friends and to be able to laugh so easily.
Today, I’m wearing black ‘walking shorts’ – I haven’t worn walking shorts since high school when I was all ‘matchy-matchy’ and had every color of the rainbow walking shorts with matching penny loafers (red anyone?) and corduroy or hounds tooth jackets to boot. And guess what kind of shoes I caught myself wearing today? You guessed it… black penny loafer slide-ons!
No wonder I feel 16 again! Laughter, friends, fashion, life… that’s what is important at 16!
You have to admit
these are CUTE!
Looking for a Dream Life:
This past couple of weeks, I’ve been experiencing flashes of visions I had nearly five years ago. Snippets of book signings, travel and speaking have been popping in like popcorn.
All of these flashes took me back in time. I thought about when I first worked with Alliseah and how we worked together to write, The Power of Love. At the time, I was very much still in achiever mode, and I thought that I would write the book and spring off into my next phase of life. People were experiencing profound shifts from simply reading the book. The would see the world differently and feel more expansive and loving.
Of course, I thought that they would tell others and things would take off and I would be writing more and more books just like that one. But that didn’t happen.
Instead, I was guided one day to a fair to offer intuitive sessions and, once there, found I was then guided to a gentleman who was there to do the same thing! Are we noticing a pattern of Spirit guiding us to one thing and me thinking it means something else? 
Well, I sit down begrudgingly, but open to hear what comes through. The guy says, “Who are you?” This was something I was accustomed to hearing, although I never really knew what they meant, and I rarely knew what to say. I responded, “I’m just me.” He went on to say I had an important book. It would go out into the world for many people. Now, let me tell you, this guy did not know me from Adam! But, my ego loved hearing this good news, and I said, “Well, when will it take off?” He said, “In three years.”
I thought, “WHAT?!!!” Then I asked, “Wait, which book are you talking about? The one I just finished?”
He replied, “No, your next one.”
I have no idea why I was guided to this gentleman. I have no idea why I went, but I felt SO DEFLATED after that. I just felt like, “Well, that is going to take FOREVER! I might as well not even try!”
Of course, this is how the ego sounds, how our personalities get all invested in outcomes and destinations and how we can miss the journey.
I share this because now you can laugh along with me that it took me THREE years to get up the courage to even PUBLISH my second book! Turns out, just writing the book is one of the easier parts for me. A much larger part of my journey (and I suspect everyone else’s, too) is getting ready to claim my divine Presence and to be that as a conduit for God’s love to flow through.
Hmmm, now three years doesn’t sound like such a long time.
Plus, along the way, you quit trying to ‘get there’ as you really “GET” that ‘now’ is the only time! Hmmm, you think I needed to write a book called, MUST BE PRESENT, to really ‘get’ that?
You bet I did! I remember telling my book coach, Jan King, “You know, I wrote this book for myself.” She replied, “Yes, you did.”
But, the truth is that humanness is humanness and none of us gets out of here without a taste of it. So my journey, may be similar to yours, may be similar to someone else’s.
Now, I understand the difference between achieving to achieve and achieving to serve and express my divine essence. I also ‘see’ that there is a LOT to do to ‘go’ and to be ready (at least ready ‘enough’ and courageous enough to believe in something greater than you and in a vision that feels huge). And, gee, it only took me five years to get here!
So, the next time you feel like it is taking FOREVER on your soul path, just think of me and know that many people walk the same way…some take 20 years, some take 50, some take 5, some take a year or less. Your journey will be perfect for you! And, here’s the secret, every step – no matter how mundane it might look – is part of the puzzle and each step is important. This ‘gestation’ period I’ve been has been one of the richest phases of my entire life.
Hey everyone. Thanks for the emails and words of kindness. Many of you were concerned about me because I haven’t been posting. The good thing about getting your emails is that it shows me that I post regularly enough that when I DON’T, or perhaps without a mention of why I am not posting, it alerts everyone that something may be wrong.
I am alive and well. No sickness here. I have just been really busy this week though I have many blog posts rolling around in my head.
I am finishing up my Ph.D. and starting my dissertation research, so I have been in that creative space and it is taking a lot of my creative energy and focus! Send your prayers, energy and love to me as I finish this up. My goal is to give this to myself for my birthday this year.
I was thinking about the last time I did this. I was 28 and a half and I had two years of school left to get my bachelor’s degree. I had been fiddle farting around for EIGHT years trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Before that, I had changed my major repeatedly…journalism, English, teaching, psychology. Well, the truth is that I knew what I wanted to do… I wanted to get my degree in social work and coach/counsel people, but all of the social work classes were during the day and I had a day job.
And, so I drifted. I focused on work, work, work working 60 to 80 hours per week.
Then, at around 28 and a half, I just woke up one day and thought, “I’m going to finish my degree before I turn 30!” I took action, signed myself up for as many classes as I could get. Figured out the money piece and went for it.
I took between 18 and 21 hours per semester every semester while working 60 to 80 hours per week so I could meet that goal. I didn’t think about it (thus I had no FEAR), I just did it. And, I hit the honors roll repeatedly, too. When I look back on that time, I don’t think of myself as being ‘great’ or ‘above average,’ I realize I just made an intention and followed through with it. Things happened to support me along the way, too.
For example, one semester I didn’t have the money to pay for my tuition. I was sitting in my office at work pouting about the situation, and admonishing myself for not saving more. I had taken a bunch of mini-vacations that left me short. I paid my way as I went, and I was short by about $1,500. Of course, I was MOST disappointed I would not meet my goal of graduating by my birthday. As I sat there, my boss at the time wandered in and asked me what I was doing and why I had not left to go register. At the time, the controller of the company and I were both finishing our degrees and she had already left to go register.
I told him the truth. I didn’t have the money, and so I wouldn’t be going that semester. He said, “What? Wait right here.” And then he left for a few minutes. I just sat there pouting. He came back and threw a check across the desk at me, “Here! Now get your ass over to that school and register!”
I moved as fast as I could to scramble and get over to the school in time. I never forgot that kindness, and, yes, I did hit my goal of graduating (with honors) by my 30th birthday.
A few months ago, I had the same thing happen. I was just talking to Mark and in the middle of it, something inside of me said, “It’s time to finish your degree.” I had completed most of the coursework but had not even sent it in! I realized I had great anxiety…as I shared in an earlier post, anxiety follows me when I get too far ahead of myself or when I am in a situation where I feel uncomfortable (usually because I don’t know how it works).
So, I got right up and went and put everything in order and I put down a schedule that would work and feel I can complete it (by working MANY hours per week) by my birthday. So far, so good! I feel energized by the coursework, which seems to be a blessing every day I go to it. I am realizing how much I have learned from Spirit and every day I get validations in my coursework that these tools are grounded in psychology and holistic practices that support people in being all they can be.
An intention has amazing energy tied to it. It can carry you along when you, yourself, don’t even know how you will make it. Whatever you desire, you can have it. Start today with an intention and watch how you will be guided, supported all the way to its creation!
Looking for a Dream Life:
I blogged about Zoe the Clown a couple of years ago. Today, I’m sharing some celebratory updates to her ‘mission’ playing out in the world.
Recently, Zoe, trekked to India to ‘make little hearts happy’ (this is Zoe’s mission in the world). She shared with us that her heart filled to overflowing as she met and hugged each of the children she met.
As she shared her story, I could feel the content, the peace of being ‘on purpose’ in the world at large. I have often told Brittany (Zoe’s human half) that she inspires me with her courage to dare to take each step and to trust what comes. She goes for it even when she is scared. I have watched her make small steps that have led to large leaps. I love her spirit.
Put another way, had Zoe not dared to take the first clown class that would not have led her to the next one and the next one and each subsequent clowning experience that led her to India. I believe your soul is always guiding you to higher ground.
It is not too late to start TODAY!
I know for sure that the days go by very fast and the years follow suit and then, before long, you are on a daring ride!
I hope Zoe will inspire you to let your heart guide you and take you on daring adventures far and wide!
Looking for a Dream Life:
To describe the sheer effort it required to wake every day, to shower, to ‘do life’ leaves me with one analogy. Walking through mud – up to my shoulders – and trying like mad to feel light, positive and happy. It seemed a futile attempt each day, but I did my best.
Work has always been a haven for me. I enjoy working. I enjoy serving others. In fact, my workaholic tendencies make work a place to escape into. I found that if I focused on working, I could lose myself – whatever that was at the time. I didn’t know any more. I felt like a walking shell…a corpse.
During this time, as bad as I was, there were others who were even worse. I ended up working with them and helping them to reconnect to themselves. And, yet, as I saw one by one many of them return to themselves, their passion, their desire to serve, I held on to my own ego nature insisting I could figure a way out.
To lose ones Self so completely to be holding on by a thread is not something I would wish on anyone, and yet it is in this tenuous place…so fragile…that you find that you are truly never, ever alone. Oh, yes, I knew in my mind I was not alone, but in my heart…to know it completely and utterly, that is another thing all together.
I held on to the world’s structures for dear life. My ego very invested in my ability to earn – and earn others – a lot. It seemed that from my early 20s, when I first felt the sting of being judged by my credit score. Back then, I had no credit cards because my depression-era grandmother believed they were evil. I had moved out of an apartment and another roommate moved in with my former roommate. The new tenant was supposed to put her name on the lease. The truth is, I did get a nudge to go over there and ensure it happened, but I didn’t listen. Sure enough, the two girls left the last month unpaid. My shair? $200. Back then, $200 was a LOT of money. I didn’t know about credit scores, but I did know about being rejected due to that one thing on my credit report. I learned everything I could about resolving money matters – always seemingly learning everything the hard way.
So, here I was nearly two decades later, holding on to dear life to the credit score that had halted my life so early on.
It took everything inside of me to let go of my nature…the girl who believes anything is possible.
When I finally did let go, my credit score plummeted 500+ points within 30 days. I felt devastated. Beyond the failure of the conference, I felt worthless knowing I would be judged harshly because of my credit score. All of the years of working hard, of paying off debts, of buying houses, buying cars, were all down the drain in one fell swoop. It would literally be years later before I could face the papers showing the demarcation on my credit score.
Around that same time, I felt pulled to meet a woman I had heard about. God had told her to hold a ‘free’ conference. Free was a price I could afford. I trekked to Idaho Falls to meet this woman, following my own guidance. My perspective up to that time, had always been about service to others. I always seemed to believe I was fine, ready to assist, help or support another.
I went thinking I was there to learn something to serve others. I found my own heart healing in each conversation. At one point, this woman walked straight over to me and took my hand in hers and said, “Do you want to know unconditional love?” In my mind, I thought I already do. But I said, “Yes.” She prayed and though I did not feel anything – literally still numb – from years in my funkadelic state, I wished to be myself again.
The last day, this woman’s husband took us on a journey. In my journey, I saw four animals that turned themselves into sticks. These sticks then formed a point, resting on each other, similar to how you arrange sticks for a fire. As these sticks burst into flames, I saw these beetles crossing and flying up to the sky. and from the flame, I saw a phoenix fly from the fire.
When I asked the man what this was, he said, “Have you had any major changes in your life?” And I reflected on the ashes, the devastation. And I responded, “Yes, but I certainly don’t see anything new.”
He said, “Big changes coming your way. Expect it.”
And, in my heart I could feel the truth of this, and yet in my mind, which was completely in control of my life at that point, it could not ‘see’ or ‘make sense’ of any of this, and so I would press on thinking that somehow something ‘big’ was going to happen. When months went by with nothing, I fell fully back into the numbness.
And, with all of this. All of the magic that allowed me to go there and to pay very little. I still could not see the invisible hand guiding me. Though I had let go of my credit score, I still held on with all of my might to ‘figuring out’ a solution…in the smallness of my mind. The part of me least equipped to help me.
