Queen of Dreams Radio
Archive for the ‘Messengers’ Category
Most of you write to tell me that my stories help you make sense of your own experiences. Well, settle in because I have a wonderful story to share.
This week, I put my headphones on to get ready to meditate. I began focusing on my breath, and before long, I had a nice little bliss feeling moving through my body.
As I watched the colors in my mind (I focus on whatever colors or images ‘pop’ in while I have my eyes closed), I saw a bee hive appear in my inner field of vision. It looked somewhat black and white with a toffee-colored hue for the ‘hive.’ I saw bees buzzing all around it, and as I watched to see what would happen, I saw a bee look over at me and then it flew over and right up my nose!
As if that wasn’t surprising enough, all of a sudden, the entire bee colony swarmed out of the hive and flew up my nose! What? I’ve had so many amazing experiences with animals in my meditations…including being clawed at by a tiger, so a bee swarm didn’t even scare me! I did wonder what they were up to!
I could feel a buzzing feeling up in my sinus cavity and I wondered what on Earth had happened to my meditation bliss I had just been enjoying. Suddenly, just as quickly as they arrived, bees came streaming out of my nose and along with them, a foggy energy that looked like smoke. They then formed an arrow and pointed in a direction and I followed them in my meditation.
They took me into the hive and showed me the Queen Bee, and explained that the Queen is the ‘birther’ of many others, but she doesn’t go out. Instead, she lays eggs and births many other worker bees, so to speak. The more I looked around, the more I noticed that the honeycombs reminded me of storage bins, and the honey looked like golden cargo.
The bees continued along with their message…each person in the hive is unique and important – no two are identical or the same. The Queen could not do what she does without the many workers who guard and protect her, and neither could the workers do what they do without the many supportive bees inside the colony.
I walked away feeling that something huge had just happened, and the message has stayed with me all week. I feel I know some of it, and most of it will be understood at a soul level – a place beyond words.
The next day, I remembered that the third-eye chakra ‘sounds’ resonates with a buzzing of insects…like little wings flapping. You just never know what will come in a meditation, but you can bet and trust that the right messenger for you will find you!
Looking for a Dream Life:
I believe I may have shared this story on a show or in a post, regardless if I have before, it’s a great story about how intuition helped us buy our current house.
I wrote yesterday about the house we had before this one. When we bought that house, the market was sizzling hot. We would rise each day, check the listings and then don our swords so we could go fight for a house. We lost house after house after house. One house was lost by just $500! At the time, Chance was five months old, I had a busy practice and was just entering, unbeknownst to me, post partum depression. I had zero patience and felt defeated each day we would spend five hours a day looking and putting in bids just to lose a prospective house.
One day, we found this lovely house, but there was something that just didn’t feel right about it. Unlike all of the other houses, this one had been on the market. We liked it, the price was right, but something held us back from saying yes.
I had a dream that night. In my dream, I saw a red car driving across the desert with a man with gray hair in the driver’s seat and a woman with black curly hair in the passenger’s seat. It reminded me of the Arizona desert. As I watched them crossing the desert in this red convertible, I saw the woman turn back and, when she did, she appeared like a skeleton! I awoke deeply afraid and scared.
At that time, I had always had great intuition, but wasn’t sure about how to decipher its messages and symbolism. I had always played this game of “If I can see it” then it must be meant to be. There had been many times when I would try to picture myself doing something and I couldn’t see it, so I would just change my course. That morning, with my heart pounding in my chest, I played the “If I can see it” game. I immediately saw a picture of Mark standing over the stove cooking eggs. I took that as the sign that we should get that house, and told him about it.
Now, looking back, I see the dream very differently. The family who sold us the house was moving to California (and would be driving across the Arizona desert). The black-haired woman represented our real estate agent at the time, who was in the car with the seller. Which, is probably why, even though the house had no offers, we could not negotiate on the price.
However, armed with my “I can see you in the house,” we trudged off and bought the house. When we got in it, we were amazed at how bad the house was. The previous owners literally had slapped a coat of paint on everything and it was pretty bad underneath. Mark described the experience as going out with the prom queen and waking up with someone else.
I began to think about the dream as a warning… remembering the feelings of fear, but my fear had driven me toward it rather than away from it.
We moved in and that was the beginning of three years of nearly non-stop renovations. It was like we were driven to update this house and had no choice in it. When we weren’t renovating, we were traveling or searching for our next home. I felt like I never got any rest in that house!
Oh, and that ‘feeling’ that didn’t quite feel right … well, it ended up being a ghost in the attic who was waiting for the girls who lived there before us to come back. The boy was the son of the first family who lived there (we were just the third family in 30 years). He had been a drug addict and stumbled out one day during the winter and froze to death at the park nearby. Though it may sound kind of scary, he was actually a huge gift to me because he allowed me to directly face him and address my fear of the spirits I could always feel around me every since I was little. When I finally got the courage to ask Mark if he felt it, Mark confirmed that he, too, was feeling the effects of the spirit… the cold, the depressed feelings, the malicious energy.
That led me to my first mentor and she came and helped this boy pass over. After that, the house felt so much better! I did, too! And, I realized I never had to be afraid again of these spirits.
I was actually away at Sonia Choquette’s Six Sensory Certification when Mark called me and told me that we would be moving. I was surprised since we all were feeling so much better. He told me he was thinking of wanting to move a wall and that was IT!, it’s time to move. That felt good to me, and when I arrived home, we started looking again for neighborhoods.
About a week later, we found the house we now live in, but I didn’t LOVE it like Mark did. The back of the house reminded me of the apartments I had lived in nearly my entire life. I wanted a house that felt like a HOUSE, not an apartment. We trudged on and continued looking. At the time, the numbers were staggering to me … were we really going to pay THIS MUCH for a house? I gulped at the thought even though I knew I could always make more, it just seemed like a lot to me.
Several days passed with us going to more and more houses, and they were more expensive, but didn’t have the things we liked nor many of the features we listed on our manifestation list. I wondered why it seemed so hard, and then I thought, Mark has never bought a house that he liked, if he likes that one, then I want him to have it. I had bought a house with my ex, and then we had the crazy house together, and my love for him wanted him to have what he wanted.
I no more thought that when I heard a voice say, “If you want that house, you must go now. There are buyers coming by the end of the week who are willing to pay much more for it.” I immediately told the real estate agent we wanted to go back to look at the house once more.
After we talked about it, and I asked Mark if he liked it, and he said ‘yes,’ then we decided to make an offer. The real estate agent asked what we wanted to offer. We knew the people needed to sell, but wanted to make a fair offer. Their price per square foot was higher than the average in the neighborhood, so we did not want to offer full price, but I did not want to go through all of the back and forth we had experienced with our last house.
As we stood in the kitchen, I heard a voice say, “He will not sign the paper until he sees the number he must have written down.” I immediately just ‘knew’ the number and knew we had to have that number written down. I suggested we offer that number and then back out $3,500 for the carpet, which needed to be replaced. We sent the paperwork over and it was accepted. We had 10 days to get it inspected and so other buyers could still come look at the house during that time.
Just like I was told, three days later, a couple from out of state fell in love with the house and told the real estate agent that they would pay more than the asking price for the house – a whopping $10,000 more! The inspection went through and we bought the house, and I can happily say that we have not spent our lives renovating or looking for another house. We have lived here and enjoy this house so very much!
This is not us, but a great representation of how we felt! 
Looking for a Dream Life:
Over the weekend, I watched some shows on HGTV about selling houses that are unsellable. I watched one where the homeowners had 52 showings for the house, and no offers. It reminded me of when we sold our investment property (our former house before we bought our current house).
That house was completely updated except for the kitchen. We had installed Brazilian cherry hardwoods throughout the downstairs, updated the built-in home office desk in the family room, painted, updated all the bathroom fixtures. Basically, everything in the house was new, except for the kitchen, which, for us, was not a big deal because we don’t spend a lot of time in the kitchen.
We listed it in March, and by the time Easter weekend showed up (the biggest house-hunting weekend of the year, by the way), we had had 20+ showings and no second viewings or offers.
The real estate agent didn’t have any solutions except to drop the price, and we had invested $50K+ in the house with all of the updates. My sense was that it was NOT the price. It felt like it was something else.
The next day, I woke up with a boost of energy, and I thought, We are going to sell this house! The pricing felt like it was addressing the wrong thing – that there was another reason why the house was not selling. I went over to the house, and sat in the living room, and said aloud, “Okay, guys, I need help. We’ve got to sell this house.”
The first thing that came to me was to upgrade the kitchen. I saw granite countertops and a new oven and stovetop. I just let the impressions flow in.
After the initial impressions quit coming, I asked, “Okay, so show me how to do this.” At the time, we were dealing with the aftereffects of the conference debacle (which was the primary reason we were selling our investment house), so my budget seemed virtually non-existent, but I knew if this is what I was supposed to do, the way would be made for it.
I heard, “Go to Craigslist.” At the time, I had heard of Craigslist, but was by no means someone who uses it all the time. I went there, and sure enough, found appliances, including a double-oven and gas cooktop and microwave in the color that matched our kitchen for $300. Next, I asked about the granite I had seen, and was guided to a builder’s surplus. We bought the granite for the entire kitchen for $400. Our real estate agent referred us to a handy man, and he charged $380 to install everything. We had a brand new kitchen for $1,200! The hardwoods were already in the kitchen and the fixtures and paint had already been updated, so with the few changes we made, the 32 year-old kitchen looked brand new (the previous owners had installed a top-of-the-line Kohler kitchen sink that matched the new granite).
Within a couple of weeks, the house sold for near the asking price!
I’m going to blog tomorrow about how intuition told me how to get the house we now live in. 
When Violette was on my show a couple of months ago, we ended up talking about our connection to wild animals. I got a bit choked up as I shared how I felt so sad when our mama mockingbird left our front yard. She had been with us for years and had brought me such hope during my time of gestating and finding my voice. Many days, I would walk and she would fly along with me. Other days, I would drive up and see her sitting on our flag pole. When Mark and I would talk in the backyard, she would come over and sing, and I would feed her. Pretty soon, when she saw us in the yard – front or back – she would come.
A few months ago, another mockingbird showed up. This one, much smaller and sleeker than our little mama (so-called because she built a nest in the bush by our front door and laid eggs that never hatched – truly a symbolic reminder of my own experience, too). This mockingbird is much more courageous, coming into the garage with us and pecking at our back door to be fed. One day, as Mark and I were standing outside in the backyard talking, she walked up to eat the June bugs that came two months early this year. I looked at Mark and said, “Isn’t that amazing? She is just like the other one. Not afraid of us at all.” He thought maybe it was the same one, but I knew the other one. She and I have been friends for so long, I knew her bandit markings on her eyes and also her girth, which is not as common with the sleeker, southern mockingbirds.
When this new mockingbird showed up, I felt that somehow it was related to my longing for the one that left, and magically, our mama came back, too, a couple of weeks later! Now, they are both here nearly every day. I find it amazing how I can walk outside and they will fly right over. The younger of the two lives across the street. She took over mama’s abandoned nest, but a storm recently destroyed it. She rebuilt somewhere across the street.
Many people have told me how mean mockingbirds can be, but I have not felt anything other than a oneness with their hearts and souls. Their energy is very loving and family oriented – just like mine.
At the workshop I taught over the weekend, a woman asked me about animal totems, and I shared she can connect to her animal totem by accessing her inner soul connection and asking for the animal to meet her there. If you have a strong sense of connection to nature and animals, by all means, connect with them and enjoy this divine invitation to access energies that will activate and infuse your own energies.
Many years ago, I attended a workshop with one of my mentors who is a shaman. As soon as I reached the city where the workshop would take place, I saw in my mind’s eye a large black cat with green eyes. I could feel this animal’s massive energy as he paced around me. At the time, my orientation was to ask others what to do. I would ask, “What does this mean?” One woman in the class overheard me asking, and said, “Ask it!” That was the beginning of a grand adventure into a deep, personal connection with animals, spirit and energies in a freeing way I had never known before because of the distance I placed between my own knowingness and the experience. Today, I don’t always try to ‘understand’ with my mind, I simply enjoy the feeling I am having in the presence of the animal, the plant, the person I am with. I am one with the energies…connecting on a level of one-ness. It turns out that the ‘cat’ was a beautiful jaguar and he led me on an amazing journey.
When Violette and I talked about our experiences of becoming one with the animals that touched us so deeply (hers was a jellyfish and mine was this mockingbird), we found it hard to describe ‘what’ had taken place as ‘what’ was beyond words and had traveled into the valley of feelings and knowing.
My wish for you is that you will experience this too, if you want. Enjoy the magic all around you.
A couple of weeks ago, mama mockingbird posed for this picture. This is an ACTUAL picture of her! Her feathers have faded over the years, but she’s still fat and fluffy as usual. It’s funny. When I was little, I had birds as pets. People would often comment on how you can’t hug a bird, but, to me, I could connect with them with my hands and feel their hearts beating. I could look at them and know how they were feeling, and talk to them and they would talk back in their parakeet tweets. I believer everything is alive and talking to us. The question is… are we listening?
Mockingbird Animal Totem
Finding your Sacred Song;
Recognizing your Innate Abilities
Mockingbird teaches you the power of song and voice.
It can help you learn new languages and speak them fluently.
People with a Mockingbird totem are known for their talents, rather than their appearance.
It can also help you find your “sacred song” or your life’s purpose
and helps you realize your inner talents.
Mockingbird will help you act on it without fear.
Remember that your inner song is never lost –
if you missed one opportunity, another one will always appear.
Mockingbird also helps you flush out people and events that can hurt you
and allows to see who and what they are.
You hear the true song of others.
Follow your own path. Learn to take what you can and apply
your own creative imagination and intuition to it
and your life will be in harmony.
Looking for a Dream Life:
Friday, I went to Minette’s house for an art playdate. I felt so excited because I knew we were going to do a ‘thank you’ video for Violette because her online class, Journal Bliss, literally gave us 5 months of art-full play! I highly recommend grabbing a friend and getting one of her classes (Violette’s energy gave us a creative confidence boost and inspired us!).
While we created the video, I looked over and saw one of Minette’s Zentangle gift cards. She has made many of these over the last year or so (and they are all GORGEOUS), and last year, even invited me to a Zentangle class where I was introduced to this thoughtful, meditative creative expression.
As I looked at the card, I felt myself drawn to the card itself. I liked the idea of small creations that I could start and finish and know they are ‘done.’
When I came home, I had some other projects to finish for work and I deliberately chose to take a day off from school. I felt pulled to more art, and so I grabbed my watercolors and started painting.
As I painted, I thought of those cards again. I really wanted some. I thought, I wish I had some of those cards. I painted in my watercolor notebook and thought of different things I could paint on those cards. I have always said “I wish” ever since I was a little girl. I wish works as fast and as magically for me as anything. But, last night I was not even thinking of manifesting the cards when I said it, I was simply expressing what I most wanted from my heart.
I finished painting, put up my palette book and paints, and then played a game with Mark and Chance.
As the evening went on, I felt drowsier and drowsier, so I went to bed and quickly drifted off to sleep. The cards were a distant thought and memory.
Today, I woke up and got right back at my school work, but I couldn’t force myself to get going. Instead, I wandered outside and talked to the plants and birds. I fed our mama and daughter mockingbirds as they chirped nearby. I felt the breeze on my skin as I listened to the chimes gonging in the background. I looked at the color of the sun on the surface of the pool water, and noticed the sun trying to poke through the foliage above me. I soaked up the warm rays and felt them pelting against my pale skin.
I thought I might be able to read outside, but I couldn’t. The energies didn’t match up and I felt myself wishing to just relax, to enjoy this abnormal 70s weather in May and to take time out. So I did. I put the books aside and just enjoyed the rhythm of nature complete with the smell of mint nearby.
I walked inside to get some water and met Mark’s mom coming in from the front. She excitedly exclaimed, “Look what I got for you!” And, there, in her hands were two brand new boxes of Strathmore (one of my most FAVORITE papers) greeting cards…100 cards total! I am amazed at how fast things come to me when I wish from the depths of my heart…my dreamer’s desires. She has been saying that she wants to paint and draw, and with all of this schoolwork on the intellectual plane, she has been throwing tantrums! I have been keeping my promise to her to draw, paint and play at least twice a week. Yesterday, Minette and I only had 30 minutes, so I knew more painting was in store for me. And, now, I’ll do more Zentangling, too. Thank you, Nana, for being the messenger.
I wish… Please send… I ask for… whatever way you ask, ask and expect to receive it!