Queen of Dreams Radio
Archive for the ‘Art’ Category
I’ve been thinking about how to share this story with you. This morning, I woke up inspired to just share the whole thing and let you sift through the various ins and outs. Those of you who email me seems to like my long, rambling stories the most so here we go. I’ve written dribs and drabs of this… here’s the whole thing. Here’s to dreams!
When I was a senior in high school, I took a Creative Writing class with Mr. Bob Reed at R.L. Paschal High School in Fort Worth, Texas. For those of you who don’t know Ft. Worth, Paschal is a few blocks from Texas Christian University and our school colors were purple and white, just like TCU. Paschal is one of the oldest high schools in Fort Worth and it is situated in a historical area full of beautiful tudor-style, modern and traditional houses. I love the area because there are so much mature landscaping, including many old oak trees.
My senior year, I was dating a crazy guy…I broke up with him, but he was stalking me. So, the last six weeks of my senior year, I packed everything up, transferred to a school in Abilene, Texas (where I was born and also where my step dad’s parents lived) to finish the year.
Now, way back then, I won’t lie to you. I was all about working (as in J.O.B.), not school work. I was relentlessly bored in school and showed up just enough to play tennis, do my extracurricular activities and take the tests so I could stay in Honor Society.
Mr. Reed gave me an ultimatum. I had already missed entering my short story in the Tarrant County Junior College writing contest. Apparently Mr. Reed thought my short story, Mary Jane, which was about a little country tom girl who was in ‘like’ with her little friend, would be a contender. One of my classmates won first place in that contest I had not even entered. He told me he would drop my grade a letter if I didn’t enter my story in the next one – the TCU writing contest.
At 4:56 pm, the day it was due by 5:00 pm, I ran up the front sidewalk as fast as I could hoping I could still get the entry in. I didn’t care about the contest, I just wanted to work, I wanted to be free and do my own thing and I just wanted to get on to college. I was already going to junior college part-time. Oh, and I needed to get packed to try to get away from Mr. Stalker! I had enough to do without worrying about some contest.
I ended up running into a very helpful person who pointed me to the right office and I slid the envelope under the door just in time (literally).
I was in school in Abilene when I received a package letting me know that I had won first place. My story was printed in the newsletter with the other winners. I don’t even think I cared at the time because my attention was so far out into the future. I certainly wasn’t present. Isn’t life ironic?
When I graduated from high school, I came back to graduation ceremonies and could breathe a sign of relief because my crazy boyfriend enlisted in the Army and was shipped off. Good-bye Mr. Stalker!
I am not sure I even took the time to acknowledge my writing, my love of writing or even consider I might be able to do something in writing. For me, freedom meant money and the sooner I had more money, the faster I could get to the freedom I so desperately desired.
I initially enrolled in school for business (that’s where the money is, right?), and dabbled in the idea of journalism, but quickly rejected it once I found out how much journalists make. Ditto for teaching, which I thought would be so fun to teach kids. Ah, to go back and know what I know now!
I made my mark in business, got two degrees along the way, created a very successful consulting practice, but something still was off. True, I have been writing most of my business career – and helping many people make a lot of money with my writing – from proposals that sell, to newsletters that connect businesses to businesses, to sales letters with huge returns, to reports that convey a unique message that speaks to the heart – I’ve been writing.
Then, one day, this Queen of Dreams character came along. She was fun, she was spunky, she was me before I started focusing on the world and making my way in it! About two years after this cartoon came to mind, I received a TCU Continuing Education catalog in the mail. I found it interesting as I had never received one before nor have I received on since. I looked and there were some writing classes, and I felt pulled to attend two of them.
I signed up, sent in the check and waited for the day to arrive. When I drove to TCU (by the way, the area around TCU, which is known as TCU hill, is one of my favorite places in the world! I love Fort Worth), I felt different. I felt this amazing energy of magic in the air. When I drove through the campus, I looked over at the sidewalk where I had sprinted decades before hoping to save my grade.
The class was fun, but I knew I wasn’t there for the class. I had taken myself there to remember what I knew way back then. That I am a writer. That I love to write. That I am a talented writer. As I walked along the campus, I felt happy and alive. I felt a magical electricity in the air. It seemed to whisper, You can do this.
Many other books and movies echoed that idea to my heart repeatedly. It is only in hindsight that I can see them so clearly. Movies such as Miss Potter held me entranced in the idea of writing as an occupation. I understood what it meant to have a character talk to you. That’s what writers do. I seemed to be stumbling over writer after writer who dared to dream and, more importantly, write. Po Bronson showed up. He had lived in the maze and dared to write meaningful books on his own terms, in his own way.
At times, I felt pulled to attend a writers’ workshop the teacher mentioned during that TCU writing class. I didn’t go. I made excuses. There’s a deafening silence that your heart makes when it quits whispering. I noticed the silence. The quiet reserve of, “I’ll wait for you.”
In the meantime, I published two books – books I wrote as much for myself as for others; wrote two others and authored more articles, blog entries and other business writings than I can even keep track of. I also learned how to love myself, how to acknowledge myself without wincing inside, how to be vulnerable without withering within and how to compassionately love others as myself. It’s been a busy time of growth and introspection. I’ve been growing into myself.
I realize now, two years ago, despite all of the outward encouragement (from Jan, my book publishing consultant “You have something really special,” from many publishers who requested my manuscript, from reviewers who loved my book, the reminder of the TCU award and the others I won in school, and so many more it would be quite embarrassing to list them!) that I simply didn’t feel I had the goods. What was I waiting for?
I have known for a long time we can’t ‘give’ to someone what must come from within. For me, I had to decide to make the trek from my head to my heart. I had to leap and have faith the net would appear.
And, so I have.
I can share with you that your big dream will feel really, really, possibly humongously big! It doesn’t feel like an accomplishment goal does, which, for me, feels like getting in a car and driving to a destination. In that place, I feel I can never rest. It’s always go, go, go. The next thing, the next thing, it’s never ending. It’s exhausting to me.
For me, the waking dream feels big, wide, lush like a valley. It feels like a place you go to live in, not a place you visit before rushing off to another destination (goal). It feels like coming home. It feels magical. It feels like everything you will create is already done. It has the feeling I’ve been searching for my entire life – a place where I can rest and know I’m just where I’m supposed to be.
I recently read an article about a woman who wrote about her experience with this. She is a writer, and as soon as she published her first novel, she knew it wasn’t ‘home.’ It took her NINE books before she found her valley. Now, she is happily creating from that place. I read that, and thought, ‘That’s just how life is… we create as we go and as we create, we get clearer and clearer, fine-tuning along the way.’
The most important thing is to let your heart roam so it can guide you home.
So, what’s your juicy dream? The one that you haven’t let see the light of day?
What? The Queen of Dreams is saying something new here? Follow your dream. That’s not new!
But it really is. For me!
When I spoke at the Snap Out of It Conference a few months ago, I enjoyed it so much because I really showed up as ‘me’ in my spirit… that girl who I used to be at six who was carefree, who talked to and walked in nature, who loved to make people laugh and who loved to be creative. That girl is the girl who also dreamt of writing books for children.
That day, I said to the audience, “I want to know what your real dream is. You know, the one that is in the back of your heart that you don’t tell anyone! I want to hear about that one!”
As I said it to the women in the audience that day, I must have been listening, too. Ever since then, my heart has been whispering to write. To go to writer’s groups that I wanted to attend TWO YEARS ago! That I didn’t dare – until I was ready!
Way back when (I mean, waaaaaay back when – lol) I was a little girl, my cherished idol was Judy Blume. I would read and reread her books even though I was really too young for them. I have always seemed to be ahead of my age, and read, Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret when I was six! I remember going to the library asking the librarian how I could find out who Judy Blume was – Who is she? I wanted to know. Who wrote this book? I wanted to know. How can I do this too? I wanted to know.
Now, as a 40-something woman I look back at that and wonder why I wanted to know. That is so not a six-year-old thing to do, you know. I also remember saying, “I’m a writer. I’m a writer just like Judy Blume!” around the same age as I sat on the sidewalk out in front of our military housing, typhoon-resistant house when we lived in Guam. Only the breeze heard my proclamation.
Now, nearly 36 years after that moment, I’ve decided to revisit my childhood dream of writing for children. Nearly 36 years later, I would find out that I am a lot like Judy in that she had a very personal relationship with God, too. And, the book that spoke to my heart was the first book she wrote from the heart. Wow! As Samuel Taylor Coleridge says, “What comes from the heart goes to the heart.” I guess so!
Did the Earth stand still when I decided to let the dream out of my heart? Hardly. But something did happen to me. Something that is so hard to explain, and yet something really, really big for me. Does this mean I’ll quit writing for adults? Hardly. I already am working on two more books in the Queen of Dreams Quintessential Guides series.
For now, though, I want to see what will happen when I give this dream some attention.
What dream are you holding? What dream wants to leap out of you and into the world?
More tomorrow on my little journey… dreams part deux!
Hey everyone. Of course, if you’ve read my blog, you *know* I am a HUGE fan of the movie and the icon known as, Temple Grandin!
I watched the Emmys so wanting EVERYONE in that movie to win for the masterpiece it was – and they did!
Congrats to Julia Ormond (loved you since Legends of the Fall) who played Eustasia Grandin (Temple’s mom), David Strathairn (Temple’s teacher who ‘saw’ her brilliance) and amazing Claire Danes (Temple) who captured Temple’s larger than life spirit.
And, to director, Mick Jackson… wow, what a masterpiece you directed! Thanks so much HBO for putting out quality films like this and to the producer I can’t remember your name… for bringing it to life!
Seriously. If you have not seen this movie, go rent it today!
Looking for a Dream Life:
One of my favorite things to see in my inbox is an email from Lynn Scheurell. Lynn is a great lover of life and people, and an extraordinary finder of really cool, crazy, thought-provoking pop culture tidbits. Thanks, Lynn!
Her latest find? All the way from Finland, photographs one mother took of her sleeping baby posed in all kinds of things this new mom thought her baby, Mila, might be dreaming of.
Soooooo sweet! Go, right now, get a cup of tea and spend five minutes in Mila’s big dream world!
To see the photos of Mila’s daydreams (there are more photos here than are in the video and they are all TOOOO precious and utterly creative and clever): http://www.milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/
To see a 2-minute video (featuring her Dad’s music):
Looking for a Dream Life:
Two movie reviews in a row here. I HAVE to tell you all about the movie, Temple Grandin. Nominated for FIFTEEN Emmies (we’ll see next Sunday), this movie is an exquisite work of art. For families who are sensitive (this just means that you may feel overwhelmed out in the ‘noisy’ world) or have a person in their family who is sensitive (which may include autism or Aspergers Syndrome), this is THE movie for you to see. In addition to seeing the hopeful story of Temple Grandin, it truly is a gift to be able to understand what it means to be sensitive in the world.
Dr. Temple Grandin is the heroic crusader for the humane treatment of cattle. She has been named by Time Magazine Tim 100 as a Hero. I heard about her some years ago and just fell in love with her spirit. Though I knew she was autistic, had created her own way of dealing with her feelings (through a machine she dubbed “the hug machine”), and had done the near impossible to bring humane treatment of cattle to an industry as old as the hills, I had not really understood why I immediately felt such a connection to her when I heard about her.
Now I do.
This movie is a work of art. Not only is the cast perfect in every way, but the director’s visionary storytelling shines through as we get to peer into Temple’s mind, heart and soul. I particularly loved getting to see her mother’s influence as well as key people she met along the way.
I won’t spoil this movie with why it is such a wonderful visual treat, but I will share with you what we walked away with as a family.
First, as many of you know, our entire family is sensitive. Mark and I are empaths and Chance is extremely sensitive too. Even Rico, our four-legged gentle giant is sensitive!
Mark, as a child, would retreat from the world into his room or with just a few key friends. He ran a lot to run off the energy. I used to retreat to nature to soothe my frazzled nerves. I walked miles and miles every day when I was a kid. Food numbed me out. For Mark, he MUST work out every day. Neither one of us had language for what we are until about 10 years ago when we met each other and began to live a life of celebrating who we are rather than tolerating feeling like the world was beating us up each day.
When Chance came along, I noticed that he didn’t act like the other babies. He was aware of things that the other kids didn’t seem to notice. One day, for instance, I took him to the mall to play. In this play area, it looked like a huge breakfast – plate with eggs, a giant grapefruit, and salt and pepper shakers. The kids around Chance were running around with little awareness of anything around them. They would run into each other. They seemed to be wild. Chance, on the other hand, was little… just over a year and he would look around at all of them and then would carefully make his way over to a place in the play area. He then rolled onto his back and stared up at the giant skylight that looked like a prism of glass. He and Mark ‘watched a movie’ together when he was just 19 months old. That isn’t particularly unusual except that Chance watched it and it was Castaway – a movie that is nearly three hours long. As a toddler, he would stare off. He would go into spacey trances – just like I do.
I kept noticing these things. I talked to Mark about them, and each time Mark told me not to worry. The doctors seemed to say the same things: He’s fine. He’s just quiet. He is just more observant than other children. But then Chance got older and he couldn’t handle very much input when we went out – especially noises – we didn’t go to a regular movie at the theater until he was nearly five years old because they are just too loud – even with earplugs. Itchy clothes, tags on the back of shirts were just as intolerable, and now his wardrobe consists mostly of very old t-shirts (that are as soft as silk) and polyester pull-on athletic shorts that have soft seams on the inside. Good thing we are all laid back, not worried about what other people think and he’s homeschooled now. When he was little, he attended a Christian Academy and they did not understand why tucking in a shirt would rub against his skin. Nor did they ever know that we bought his clothes oversized so the required khaki pants wouldn’t even touch his skin and that we washed and washed his uniform shirts so they would be softer.
Because I have learned to love and accept myself as I am, and also deal with my own sensitivities, I’ve been able to help Chance understand that when we get too much energy, we just need a break from it. I’ve helped him understand that we create our own energy from within, too, such as anger, hurt and love. It is our job to manage ourselves and to be responsible for ourselves – just like everyone else.
While we’ve talked like this for years within our family, it wasn’t until we watched the movie together that we had a visual point of reference to discuss. Chance immediately recognized his own behaviors in Temple – there is one scene where she is very overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do with herself. This is exactly how most sensitives feel, too. At least that’s what I’ve learned from working with clients. Sure, Temple’s are exaggerated, but any sensitive can recognize the all too familiar behaviors.
As we talked afterward as a family, I continued to say that God creates all of us just the way we are supposed to be, and it is our job to unlock the treasure box we are given. That’s what Temple did. As we talked about there’s nothing wrong with someone who is different, Chance began to see that being sensitive is a gift. For what, we don’t yet know. For Temple, her connection to the animals was a gift to her and to them. Her gift took her to a perfect place to share who she is. For us, our sensitivity allows us to see and know things without much effort, and to have a tremendous level of compassion for others.
Mark has said he isn’t interested in label for ‘why’ we are all like this – I almost died at 7 months, Mark nearly died at birth and two other times since – but rather how we can work with what we’ve been given. I agree.
The second gift I took away from this movie is an increased compassion for myself as a child, as a young woman and as a sensitive person who had no idea what was happening to me when I would feel I was suffocating. This is how Chance describes feeling when noises are too loud around him. He has little toleration for it. For me, when I was younger, if the energy of a job got to be ‘too’ much, some part of me would take over and I would just leave. I have harbored so much guilt over that type of behavior in the past as I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do. Ditto for when the spirits would encircle me as a child – I literally felt like I was suffocating. And, again, I come back to gratitude for nature and the animals who, like Temple, brought a peace that would allow me to let go of the anxiety and overload of energy.
I remember not being able to be touched without wincing. I also remember deciding that I was going to allow people in. It took me TWO YEARS to get to a point where I could allow another person to hug me without it making my skin crawl or feeling like I needed to go screaming out the door. It wasn’t them, it was me – I just didn’t feel good when people touched me. My case wasn’t as severe as Temple’s. I would just say I didn’t like to be hugged. But that wasn’t true. I wanted to be hugged. I felt sick that I acted so isolated and cold. It wasn’t until I questioned this that I began to reach for what I wanted. Now, I hug EVERYONE, and I also can understand people who don’t want a hug, too. Now, I know how to deal with my energy and the energy of people around me.
An intensity of love came from the three of us as we each shared how our minds work. Mark’s mind is very much like Temple’s in that it is stunningly fast, connected and highly visual. This allows him to come up with solutions so fast it would make your head spin. For me, my mind works the same way, just not quite as fast. I’m very visual, but very auditory as well. I can sense/see all the doors at once and “know” which one is best for myself or for the person I’m working with. The ability to see as the observer is something Mark and I both do with ease. Chance shared that he can see things in his mind and know how they will work. He said it is the sounds and the energy of people that feel like a cloak coming to cover him up.
Yes, this was a GREAT movie, and it created a space for all of us to celebrate who we are.
I am not sure what it was about the movie that stirred something in me, but I realized that my entire life is committed to helping people see what is possible. Instead of, “Oh, look at the problem,” I point and say, “But what is the gift?” Instead of, “This is what I think I need,” I point and say, “But what is it you really want?” I help people look in a different place for the treasures…instead of no one is here to help me, I ask, “But someone is coming, so be on the look out for them.”
That’s what Temple’s mother did. She said, “Yes, you are different. But you are not less. If you can’t do this. Then what can you do?”
Claire Danes will no doubt get an Emmy AND a Golden Globe for this movie. She is AMAZING in this lead role. I love Julia Ormond (Temple’s mother) and Catherine O’Hara (Temple’s aunt) as Temple’s cheerleaders and David Strathairn (Professor Carlock – Temple’s professor at school) as the person who starts to help Temple unlock the treasure box. HBO… I love your commitment to quality movies – thank you!
Here’s a BBC documentary piece about Temple’s connection to cows, and includes footage of Temple’s mother. Enjoy!